Oddbean new post about login | logout If you’re a man who’s struggling with low self esteem let me tell you going to therapy isn’t going to help. The only way to fix it is to do things worthy of esteem. We aren’t women. Talking about our problems isn’t the solution. Go do things in the world. You will feel better about yourself.
Both was important to me. Not never ending therapy, but targeted, natural, being sure not to self-pity spiral. Especially if you have childhood trauma, important to understand your demons.
I did therapy for a little while. I found it kinda helpful I guess. Not sure I got much of anything out of it though.
I think it‘s both. It‘s easy to run from your demons and escape into work. But I agree you need meaningful work. The best is when you find something that gives you purpose and allows you to constantly move out of your comfort zone with small wins. That‘s what builds confidence. This bit by Lex and Levelsio also inspired me to start building software again when I was going through a difficult period https://x.com/levelsio/status/1842106719142346965
Thank you
+1 I found talking to a neutral party about the exact ways my parents fell short an important step towards getting ahold of my emotional self in the present And convincing my dad to go for a bit did wonders for our relationship I would say “some therapy” might be the answer but “more therapy” probably isn’t
Trash opinion men go to fucking therapy. Find a psychologist who reminds you of yourself and do the work on the trauma that crushed your self esteem to begin with.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uf8bt6fGQyA Give it a watch, my own experience with psychiatrists validate the things said here.
You’re not a man. Your opinion doesn’t come from experience.
Oh! I'm sorry my testicles didn't develop 6 to 7 weeks into my mom's pregnancy, my bad. I just thought from my experience with dealing with low self-esteem and mentally ill men that I'd share my opinion. But I'll go and be a woman someone where else and shut up.
At last! Men and women are so, so different. It's biology. Men talk about their problems on the field. Whether that's sports or battle. Men face the problem and deal. Win or lose, it's dealt with. We cry only in the pissing rain!
I consider myself a man and I enjoy crying, it can be out of pure joy or grief or just watching a great movie. So no, we cry everywhere.
Get back to what’s natural as soon as possible. Live outside. Sleep in more discomfort. Eat real food. Do hard work. Cultivate something. Grow or raise some food. Find a good woman, have lots of sex, and raise a family. That should fix it.
or read Dostoevsky try to understand every feeling you have to realize... you are worth fighting for nostr:nevent1qqsyrsvzp0g00d2fhurpat96uwvd704xulpdu22dur3ly08x9km9rucpz4mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduhsygq6lcx8fc7h0p8t4ya9u0a92jnwavqe9rgjwwdw3wjgxfuxsz8rd5psgqqqqqqsnfg746
If, for at least a full month, you haven't tried working out 5-7 days a week, going to bed early, always eating real food, and left all big tech social media websites, you don't need therapy. You need discipline and to stop being a bitch, bitch.
Therapy is like paying for a good friend, except they secretly don't give a fuck about you as long as the check clears.
Psychologist here... I disagree. I do care about my patients. I do hope they find peace and fulliment and healing. Yes, getting reciprocity back is helpful as being in a space of dedication to help someone is very hard work physically and emotionally.
Your patient’s are blessed to have you but it’s not to be ignored that you have colleagues who go to work solely for compensation.
This is true. There are others whom are not going to be helpful in the profession. The key is how to decern into what makes a good clinician. If anyone needs help, I can give you my thoughts in that area. Just DM me.
It’s not one size fits all / all or nothing. Therapy can be a valuable tool used alongside all the other things mentioned. Talking and delving inwards with a trained outside perspective (a good one that is, there are plenty of shitty therapists out there) can be very helpful. And I question everything with skepticism: government, media, and men who think they are the epitome of mental health 😏🖖
When you are talking to a therapist and realize https://v.nostr.build/lIJofcRJ4vJz3aeS.mp4
No sound but still funny…
For self-esteem, yes. Talking won’t change anything. But if you have mental issues, still go see a doc.
Yes, 🎯 Have a purpose in live
Build your own empire
Now you've really hurt my feelings. Except that I'm a man so I don't have feelings. What are feelings anyway?
We agree that majority of men do better by doing than talking … Yet you all worship #btc influencers who are men and are talking so there is that 😂 #arttherapy is beneficial to everyone 🙏
I can only speak for myself, but I don’t worship any other people. Some people have very interesting ideas, regularly, and I find it interesting to periodically listen to them, expecting another interesting idea. It’s like turbocharged learning, not hero/guru/whatever worship. I cherry pick the ideas from different people and make my own understanding of reality. Just because Saylor has things half wrong doesn’t mean all his ideas are wrong. I align with Ammous’ ideas the most, probably 90%…but never 100% with anyone. The more good ideas someone has, the more attention I pay.
Fair. Acknowledgement of worth for others shouldn’t be all in on one person nor ideal. Is that better stated for you?
I can’t speak for others, only myself. If someone has intriguing ideas, I listen. If I recommend someone listen to Saifedean or Saylor, or @LynAlden it’s because I think incorporating some of their ideas to shape your perception of reality, can make your life better. It’s not because I worship them, I just appreciate the ideas they have to offer.
Sure thing. Everyone chooses their choices. Human rights dictate that. IDGAF what anyone else does. It’s annoying AF to see so many **speaking** that lack character but it’s typical. Hence why I stayed offline for so long & changed the world. 😂🙏
How about both.
This is literally the easy way out. Men’s suicide rates so high because they never deal or talk about their issues. Burring them will only mask them and help temporarily.
When I was at this place in my life as a teenager one day I was at the end of my rope and the thought occurred to me “well I can always take the easy way out later so why don’t I just see how it goes a while longer” and I was never that close to the edge again. A moment of clarity and helping each other find that moment is critical. Maybe just a post on nostr saved a life.
Mental health matters
💯
I never had problems with self esteem, but almost imploded years ago when I was burning myself out/working my ass off and felt I had to keep everything inside. Now as dude who continues to work his ass off, but also talks out important shit I highly endorse the following: https://media3.giphy.com/media/zbzNUbpFnlw8E/giphy.gif?cid=9b38fe913vemq32i91hp1dnxwjmlb6aza9nnes3kkt9eekzc&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g
I'm a man and therapy is one of the things that helped me a lot. Life is fucking complex. Better redefine your stereotypes.
I’m glad it worked for you, I’m not trying to take away anything that’s working for someone, but lots of men need to hear this message above.
People have trauma. That doesn't sort itself out... Lots of PTSD vets out there. Those guys are definitely not crying women. But you're talking about self-esteem, and I 100% agree. If you want to feel good, then do something worth feeling good about.
I guess I see where you're coming from. Thing is that when things are so convoluted as they are now in this world, there is more guidance needed. And therapy is often exaxtly that: You get your thoughts sorted and then you get a lot of homework to do (often uncomfortable stuff). So it's not even so much talking at all depending on the therapy you're doing.
Only half right on this one HODL. Therapy can be very helpful for men in regards to identifying the mental obstacles that are in their way. Some people need the gift of insight otherwise they keep banging their head against the wall. You are right about true self worth coming from actually facing things that are challenging for you.
This is an insane post. “Don’t go to therapy… …we aren’t woman” Be better. Toxic Andrew Tate type bullshit.
I’m not sure you’re at the point in your journey where you’ve realized therapy isn’t some benevolent net positive and is actually in many cases harmful. We have more people going to therapy than ever before and yet everyone is more mentally ill than ever before. Fixating on your problems causes them to grow.
Psychologist here and I disagree. As that is not what I have seen in my practice and the research also shows psychotherapy overall have positive impacts in people's lives.
why do i hear a most-pronounced lisp when i read your "hi, im a fucking tool" post? https://image.nostr.build/9e0665f903e5be5c3d8e3c7e001eabdf09b3657e7d05e073863a32aaf5612a61.jpg
As a psychologist why do you think mental illness is increasing broadly across the board despite the fact that we have more people in therapy than ever before?
Good question, although one that has a complex answer. However, I will do my best. First, I would say it starts in the family environment. Most parents are not trained to holistically raise their children (physical, emotional, and spiritual). They have allowed the state to dupe them into state propaganda which is antithetical to holistic intelligence. Moreover, parents really can't find good practical help in understanding how their child's world works (their thoughts and emotions). Additionally, with parents, they are ever increasing in their busyness throughout the day, as the fiat system is designed to always require more labor to uphold the basic needs of a family. Second, a lot of us (and to your original note) do not want to take responsibility for our own actions. Third, too much inauthentic stimulation. Social media, fear prorogation, and unhealthy foods and water. To combine it all, we have not had the best parenting, which creates the symptoms of abdication of our responsibility while the state socially engineers our environment around us to pull us away from authenticity from ourselves and Nature.
I wonder about medication through psychiatry also. Seems like that is an underappreciated risk factor for some people, as many medications have side effects that are unpleasant and even harmful. And might it be true that finding a good psychologist is like finding a good teacher is like finding a good guru is like finding a good investment advisor, there are a whole bell curve of possibilities and everyone is looking for the right tail?
I can see both perspectives, my grip is with licensing from the state and the obligations and perspectives it forces on to the therapist client relationship. I believe that should be sacred first and foremost, and I struggle to see how it can be that with the state in between. And this is not unique to this relationship, but doctors, teachers, and all relationships in which ‘licensing’ is the only way to attain such a practice.
Yes, that is why I retired my license. Now I work in the private under a Private Membership Association. I do NOT get involved with the state.
I felt the same way. I get that doing things and being productive can help, but I’d never tell someone to not go to therapy. I would just ALSO tell them to do things, to be productive, to exercise, to meditate, etc. That post was a little much for me, too. Like, I’d strangle this dude in a real life physical confrontation, but I was in therapy last week. Lol
With the caveat that I haven't been to therapy, and hence don't know the full details of the particular subject of this thread, that is exactly what I don't like in Bitcoin circles. While there are many, probably even a decent majority, of reasonable bitcoiners, there seems to be a disproportionately large portion of people with Tate-ish opinions (regarding a certain few subjects), compared to people in general. I even see it (or perhaps I should say hear it) radicalizing certain podcasters over time, them becoming more and more hateful towards people not sharing the Ideals(TM). This itself can't be good for their own mental health, and if there's anything we don't need in the Bitcoin community, its division over matters that are irrelevant to Bitcoin and its future.
community and religion cannot be replaced by talk therapy and drugs. talk therapy isnt very effective for a lot of people
Proof of Work! That's what we are here for!
Therapy can save lives, have you ever had a diagnosed depression? I see you took therapy and haven’t gotten much out of it which is totally fine, but there are people with suicidal thoughts, war traumas out there, people that can’t even put a foot outside because of severe social paranoia and often times therapy helps in these cases to at least make them able to go grab some groceries. Honest question: wouldn’t you wish your parents or grandparents would’ve had some kind of therapy? My life would look a lot better now in my case…
I’ve been extremely depressed before yes and I’ve seen a few therapists and I didn’t feel it was helpful at all. In fact I would say actively harmful in most cases.
Diagnosed?
exposed your external locus of control with the "don't you wish" statement lol go do something
I am honing my craft on a daily basis and additionally I try to understand myself better and therapy is one way to achieve this.
word vomit much? 🤣
English is not my mother tongue, my point was clear. so fuck off if you are not trying to answer anyways 🤡
tell me you used chatgpt without telling me you used chatgpt you german faggots are the worszt
I didn’t use ChatGPT, you can actually scan my sentences to see if it was used.
no i can't, sample size is too small. nobody cares anyways. byeeee~~
don't let your societal categories dictate what you should or should not do. this person gets daily affirmation by talking on the internet. community *is* a form of therapy. nostr:note1g8qcyz7s7765n0cxr6kt4cucmul2de7zmc55mc8r7g7wvtdk28esr0mtme
Talking about emotions doesn't really help to anyone. Women go crazy - they meet with their girl friends and then "ventilate" to each other, basically throwing their shit onto others so they feel temporarily lighter. Emotions are the very essence of being a human. You don't need to talk about them, you need to talk to yourself and ask yourself "what do I believe to be true in order for me to feel this way"? That's how you detect belief. The triangle of human psyche is composed from beliefs that lead to emotions and based on how we feel, we perform actions (or not). Only action and doing won't bring you what you want (masculine principle), or it may happen but with crazy amount of efforting. The same as only being emotional and fantasizing (female principle) without taking action won't bring you result you seek and life you want. It's about balance of both energies: masculine and feminine that exist in each of us. So, you don't need to talk about emotions, but you own yourself to stop hidding them, pushing away and repressing them. They have nowhere to go but in your subconscious mind and the body and then backfire. So, see them, acknowledge them, detect your belief, center yourself (power of now) and choose again. That's bringing unconscious to the conscious - freedom to choose. Otherwise, you will be the victim of your negative emotions and creating unconsciously. Ps: warm advice from ex therapist. Take it or not.
Two good reasons to talk to valuable friends about problems, neither of which are "unloading" or "venting" (which I agree is not helpful): - seeking advice from someone whose opinion you value - maintaining a networking of connections who care about each other doing well and know when one of their network is having a hard time These are both action-oriented activities that prevent people from becoming isolated. Interestingly enough, a therapist provides neither in a genuine manner.
Sure, I agree. But my reply was direct response to OP and the idea "guys should not talk about emotions".
I like when people put things in quotes that I didn’t say. As if that’s my actual quote.
I put it in quotes as the essence of the message since you said men should not talk about problems but act. Since the underlying topic here are emotions really and what to do with them, I gave myself the freedom to pull out the topic and put it in the quotes. Sorry that triggered you somehow. No bad intentions from my side. You can be sure of that.
You’re quoting me though lol quote me accurately. Not your idea of what I said.
Another one: Never ever let your wife and kids see you cry, no matter how desperate and afraid you are. (Tears of joy are OK.)
Yeah, but I wasn't quoting you but put the theme of the post under quotes. Like theme for an essay...geee
Lift weights 💪
Gym, gun range, golf course, racetrack, cigar lounge… all better therapy for men than actual therapy.
Therapy can be helpful for some men. My buddy recently started seeing a therapist for the first time, and he told me it’s really helping with his depression.
Self-esteem, self-respect, and even the concept of ‘being a man’, they’re just memes for the weak-minded to justify existence. One is not truly free until they stop chasing the fantasy and just observe the reality.
Psychologist speaking: 💯 correct
Thank you for the co sign. Lots of triggered people in the replies.
Because they have empathy with the victim of the story and don't realize that it takes a victim to have empathy in the first place. 90% of therapists stabilize a harmful condition. That is cruel. 10% helpful therapy doesn't make up for it. When family members of alcoholics do this shit, we call it codependency, but when a shrink does it, we call it therapy. Funny.
One more thing I'd suggest is to inspect your surroundings. Often, men with low self-esteem are in environments that rely on them staying that way - they might face criticism or be asked to tone down when they take bold steps. If your surroundings are supportive, it's a completely different ballgame, especially if you have a few true friends with whom you can honestly talk when things aren't perfect. So, definitely go out and do things, but if you're still struggling - for instance, feeling depressed because you don't have anyone to share your wins with - it might be time to upgrade your surroundings and build up a bit more support for yourself.
I can tell you have affirmation from your loved ones AND you take it for granted, by how you boast about your self-esteem while pretending it comes from within.
Buidl the body, buidl the mind, then go out in the world and buidl something
100% waffle is for women
Aaaaaaaaand there goes the female populus on Nostr! Ah, great job. Good to see this in trending. nostr:note1g8qcyz7s7765n0cxr6kt4cucmul2de7zmc55mc8r7g7wvtdk28esr0mtme ... not. x.x *facepalm*
https://youtu.be/wz-VJl7UkB8 nostr:nevent1qqsyrsvzp0g00d2fhurpat96uwvd704xulpdu22dur3ly08x9km9rucpzdmhxue69uhhwmm59e6hg7r09ehkuef0qgsp4lsvwn3aw7zwh2f6tcl6249xa6cpj2x3yuu6azaysvncdqywxmgrqsqqqqqpwmsrcm
gotta say a life coach has been a game changer for me this year. I had tons of action and success but was still depressed and stressed to the max.
life coach is not a fucking therapist
How does a life coach work? I don’t have any experience there?
can’t live without it and haven’t even mastered it yet … an espresso shot, with skills and wisdom really gotta be the right person tho I’ll explain to you at dinner next week or likely over cocktail this weekend
This is solid advice for (non traumatized) teenage boys. However, if you want to be a real 💯 Man 💪🏼, the way that God intended you to become... you need to be able to sit comfortably with your feminine aspect (emotions: it's a scary word for many men). The strongest male role models that I have had in my life were incredibly high T, but could also cry at appropriate times, happy or sad, and were masters at communication and empathy. Every human has this psychological/emotional dichotomy of masculine and feminine "energies", the world is not black and white, and if you are not in touch with both aspects and how they are balanced within you, then you are still only half an adult. Suppression of emotions does not work forever, not without severe negative consequences on you and the ones close to you. Go build something, create value to others, give from what you are given, MAKE the world a better place and when you get knocked down on your arse so hard that you don't see the way back up, find someone to talk to, preferably a friend or family member, but if they aren't available... maybe a priest/religious leader, failing that... a therapist might work for you? But do be careful... there are wolves in the forest (i.e. therapists just looking for a pay cheque) nostr:nevent1qqsyrsvzp0g00d2fhurpat96uwvd704xulpdu22dur3ly08x9km9rucppemhxue69uhkummn9ekx7mp0qgsp4lsvwn3aw7zwh2f6tcl6249xa6cpj2x3yuu6azaysvncdqywxmgrqsqqqqqpmy2lat
Gonna be honest this mindset is literally the reason there is a "male loneliness crisis". Talk to people! Build connections! Talk about your emotions!
Normalize not telling people what does and doesn't work for them. nostr:note1g8qcyz7s7765n0cxr6kt4cucmul2de7zmc55mc8r7g7wvtdk28esr0mtme
truth
I are in part. That does a great deal for men, but there is a need for wisdom. Something that seems to be as scarce as Bitcoin, and both are necessary.
*agree in part
My uncle has a poster that says, "You never see a motorcycle parked outside a psychiatrist office." I have no way to confirm that, but it rings true. The power process comes to mind.
self esteem isn't even necessary
Therapy is about you putting in the work and learning the skill of self reflection and resilience. Like any skill long term practice refines that skill but is not essential. Doing things in the world is also a key part to living your best life and getting out a rut. Not a man vs woman thing in my opinion.
Partially true. Life is more nuanced. Low self esteem can manifest in different ways, and talking is essential in the thinking process. Why do you think we value free speech so much? So many times we hide low self esteem by "doing" things as a way of escaping instead of facing the fears right on. For that you need to understand patterns of the mind, your self and your shadow. So the actual good advice is: yes, totally go do things in the physical world *and* consider talking to a good therapist. nostr:note1g8qcyz7s7765n0cxr6kt4cucmul2de7zmc55mc8r7g7wvtdk28esr0mtme
The few therapists which I have worked with that were good were in training or fresh out. They still cared. There was a time when my dream was to become a psychotherapist. Today I think shrooms and The Completion Process greatly outperform psychotherapy, regardless of the therapist. Looking forward to my first ayahuasca trip :-) nostr:nevent1qqsyrsvzp0g00d2fhurpat96uwvd704xulpdu22dur3ly08x9km9rucppemhxue69uhkummn9ekx7mp0qgsp4lsvwn3aw7zwh2f6tcl6249xa6cpj2x3yuu6azaysvncdqywxmgrqsqqqqqpmy2lat
lol Manly man don’t do therapies
You can actually do both
Volunteer at a shelter, food bank, etc. Go help lift up your fellow man. The more you give to others the less you think of yourself. . . Your self esteem will rise.
I own two construction companies. I have and still continue to actually labor on the job sites for over 20 years in construction. My body has more scars than I can count. Physical pain is way easier in my opinion than mental pain. I’ve had numerous sessions with a therapist and it helped tremendously. Luckily, most individuals don’t rely on others to validate them. The fact that you posted this says a lot about you and I hope it was sarcasm for your sake.
