Oddbean

The world is a tragicomedy, I give up, starting tomorrow: - I will create me a whatsapp account - I will create a facebook account - I will create an instagram account - I'll create a TikTok account - I will start watching television - get vaccinated against COVID 19 - I will start saving in fiat - stop reading books - I will stop playing sports - I will stop eating meat - I will feed myself with snacks and energy drinks. - I will start using Windows - I will become a sports fanatic and idolize athletes. - I'll start listening to bad bunny or whatever the fuck you call it. If I leave anything out let me know, I want to be like everyone else. 💀

Drugs. You have to take the drugs. An SSRI and Oxycodone will get you started. Take the contraceptive pill too. Pregnancy is still a risk in males too these days. Identify as Non-Binary. You'll fit in with any gender. Pay attention to fashion, and get all the latest trending gear. I'd say get some mental health issues, but the above list will soon get you plenty of those.

You gotta get on some medication, come on. At least 2 antihypertensives. Also 1 sedative and a beta-blocker to block out the feeling of existential dread by numbing yourself. Oh, and you are doomed to have "insulin resistance", so you just gotta take metformin and make peace with taking insulin a decade from now. If your stomach reacts to junk food by causing heartburn, just numb it with PPIs and continue eating like a madlad. If your brain really starts trying to make you stop, you gotta numb it further by taking some SSRIs and an opioid (you probably have back pain from not doing deadlifts and sitting all day watching TV anyway). Proceed to go to the Netherlands, where doctors will kill you if you ask them really nicely because life is unbearable. As a normie, you gotta trust the experts.

You will feel tired, lack energy and have trouble sleeping. You will get fat. You will try to help yourself, and start to follow the dietary guidelines strictly .You will cut out salt and animal fat. You will follow a plant based diet and eat more soy, nuts, beans and healthy whole grains. Your doctor will tell you to eat less and exercise, but this will make you miserable, and will not work. You will get depressed and your doctor will prescribe antidepressants. You will get fatter and your already low libido will completely disappear. You will ask google how you can help yourself and you will become vegan. You will need medication for high blood pressure, diabetes, high cholesterol, arthritis, osteoporosis and impotence. Your children will be homosexual, porn addicts, autistic, Asperger’s suffers , hyperactive and suffer from social anxiety. They will need medications. Your children will worry about climate change and become social justice warriors. Your parents will become sick with Alzheimers and have strokes. They will become unable to talk or look after themselves, but they will be “cared” for in facilities. Eventually they will require hospital care which will continue until their insurance runs out. You will get an autoimmune disease which is incurable. You will deteriorate until you are so unwell that you want to end your life. If you are lucky enough to live in a “progressive” country, your doctor will do this for you legally.