Oddbean new post about login | logout Had a falling out with my extended family during Covid times. Goes way deeper than Covid, lots of generational trauma stuff. Frankly I’ve moved on and am very happy with my life now without them apart of it. My cousin callled me and told me they want me back as part of the family. I just need to apologize first. I was like nah I’m good. I won’t be apologizing this time or ever. Felt good. Stick up for yourself. Then wake up and do it again, And some more the next day. You don’t owe anyone anything.
Apologies are not necessary, they obviously aren’t ready to put the past behind and move on…yet.
As a healthy outsider who deeply understand the toxic dynamics in the family my presence is actually destabilizing to the family structure. The apology is more about gaining control over me again, which I’m obviously not going to let happen.
Good choice. It's not that you are holding a grudge. In fact, it sound as if you have forgiven them. That doesn't mean you need to forget. And yes, it really sounds as if they are demanding control with an apology. Btw, did they offer an apology for their actions?
lol no of course not. This isn’t a mutual thing of hey let’s all forgive and forget and put the past behind us. It’s very much a narcissistic you need to apologize to me thing.
What's hilarious is how they still believe they are right, and that means they think you are wrong and need to 'see the light' and to be repentant for it. Nope, not happening. One day, if they are lucky, they might realize it had nothing to do with you wanting to be right, but instead the world has changed and they are on a sinking ship. They are simply angry that you took the life boat. 🤣
Before I learned about Bitcoin, and the many ways it changes your life, I would have been saying:, dude, just get over it and bring the family back together. Now I'm like: good choice man, you have a better quality of life without that stupid shit going on.
I can relate to this. I always believe that our family is one of our lessons. Eg. Drawing healthy boundaries, taking a different path that they want you to take or simply living your life in your own terms. Some family esp parents think that they own their kids, that somehow their kids are obligated to repay them for bringing them up. This mentality only alienates and push them even further. Well done for drawing the line. It must have been liberating 👏👌
It’s a harsh realisation when you understand that there are toxic people in real life that will only harm those close around them. Worst when they are part of your family. And the healthiest thing you can do is to stay away from them. I am not proud but I do enjoy where I am today and I am sure it is the best decisions to those I hold dear and close.
I once read that your family is as they are to teach you the greatest lessons about unconditional love. And the lessons work both ways. Some of the lessons are also to teach you unconditional love of the self. It helped changed my perspective on some family interactions. 💜
Apologize first sounds like submit and fall back in line first fuck that shit
It's exactly what everyone who got everything wrong during 2020 wants to do. "Admit that i never did anything wrong and I'll treat you with the respect that I should always have done and explicitly refused to give you." Basically saying that their abiltiy to be decent human beings is predicated on whether you admit that's what they are... making them bad people and forcing you to be dishonest to join them.
Apologizing means RECOGNIZING AN ERROR and REGRETING ONE'S BEHAVIOR. If what you did wasn't an error (i.e., there's a divergence of values between you and the cousin about how to behave/what it means to be a good person), how does one apologize? "I'm sorry your value systems are fucked and you can't see past that?"
You can’t pick your relatives……
how gay is it to reach someone and then ask for apology
Extremely gay, but my family is all women lol 😂 I’m the only male.
now that you put it... women really are different
I had to cease comms with my closest cousin, we used to play in a band together in high school and while residing in different countries communicated regularly. COVID brought out his feeble mindset. I’d send him underlying data from government health orgs to show it wasn’t as bad as it was being made out to be, and he’d respond with some MSM opinion piece. Tried to keep it civil for a while by avoiding the topic but would somehow always end up there, so had to cease & desist.
I know the feeling. They asked me to vaccinate myself in order to attend a wedding lol 😂 I was like nah I’m good.
Really appreciate your honest and positive voice in the space. I like you approach of being a good person rather than kind. I’ve found that being kind gets you walked on. Being a good person gets you respect
much prefer this inspirational stuff than the anti-dem pro-trump stuff. keep it up.
The family members who are trying to control and emotionally manipulate me in this story are dems.
We should all be as strong as you! But we are not.
lol, THEY called you and then asked you to apologize? https://m.primal.net/LcMo.gif
Yeah I know lol I think what gets to them is that I’m not doing poorly without them. Far from it. I’m the most successful member of the family both personally and professionally. It bothers them to see me winning and I’m not serving them or sharing the pie.
I love your story bro. I'm in the same boat. My father passed and everyone revealed their true colors... it was WILD! I've learned this same very lesson just like you since then. Thanks for sharing bro. I'll pray for you to continue to stay strong like this and show strength like you have to protect yourself. 💯🔥🫡
Yep it all happened after my father died. Lots of change. Some of it precipitated by me.
wow I'm so sorry to hear that. I myself had to completely separate myself from them. I said enough of them totally disrespecting me publicly and privately. I'm asking God to give me strength to supercede this. I had to go through therapy which helped me tremendously.
