Oddbean

the more I learn about the world, the more the shadows are exposed, and often more times than not, it's all fabricated in various degrees, the grounding I stand upon is built off pain and illusions. I don't know. I kind of wish we could all stop for a moment and understand the force we all hold and how it ripples across the universe , no matter how small or large your circle is, it matters, and i keep seeing more negative than positive. i don't think i am answering this very well.

Think I'm understanding. From that perspective, I'd rather not use the term "real" because it implies a universal shared concreteness. "Meaning" however, or the process of generating meaning - semiosis is what i like to use because even though whatever is most meaningful is different for everyone and changes all the time, the process is the same. Shared across all living beings, semiotaxis - movement towards meaning is what we all engage in. When framed in terms of meaning, whatever is "real" doesn't matter. In fact, nothing that has no meaning to you matters. From that, my response is: "Find that which is most meaningful to you, and pursue it." Small footnote: if you want to read more into semiotics, semiosis and semiotaxis, stay away from the linguistic interpretation because that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the framing from biosemiotics - or the study of how living beings generate meaning.

If you're struggling to find meaning, i'd argue you're missing the forest for the trees. You don't need to tell me, but I want you to introspect for a bit and try and figure out what you /really/ want vs what you are doing. The purpose of anything you do should be in service of that which is most meaningful to you. There's "means-to-an-end" goals and there are end goals. You get there by saying "im doing this so that I can ..." and you keep going until you can't anymore - "i'm doing this because that's what I want". When you find that, you can try to remove all the bullshit means-to-an-end goals that are bogging you down.

Do you know what you need to be doing to get there? Personally, i'd look for whatever that "eternal pursuit" is. The end goal is not as important so much as you are pursuing and that the pursuit is enjoyable. Regardless, Alan Watts really helped me a lot with his "Cosmic Drama" lecture, among others. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48ONvZlRXjE from the "Out of Your Mind" series which is shorter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUTgioWnwik