If you're struggling to find meaning, i'd argue you're missing the forest for the trees.
You don't need to tell me, but I want you to introspect for a bit and try and figure out what you /really/ want vs what you are doing. The purpose of anything you do should be in service of that which is most meaningful to you.
There's "means-to-an-end" goals and there are end goals. You get there by saying "im doing this so that I can ..." and you keep going until you can't anymore - "i'm doing this because that's what I want". When you find that, you can try to remove all the bullshit means-to-an-end goals that are bogging you down.
i know what i want. i think i am sad that its not here or im not there.
i think i feel like i am living a lie right now.
i want to go home.
Do you know what you need to be doing to get there?
Personally, i'd look for whatever that "eternal pursuit" is. The end goal is not as important so much as you are pursuing and that the pursuit is enjoyable.
Regardless, Alan Watts really helped me a lot with his "Cosmic Drama" lecture, among others.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48ONvZlRXjE
from the "Out of Your Mind" series which is shorter:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUTgioWnwik
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