Oddbean

The Fall of Wedge. The Rise of Organics. Tldr My life is getting better i have found purpose beyond what my family provides but the lingering effects of not living my life for me still grabs me. Thank you for loosening the grip on my war. Until I was 35 I was not living my life. I was living, trying to live up to, everyone else's version of me. The result was a degree in fine arts, two amazing kids and a very understanding wife so I got lucky. But my life was a Minimum-Value Worker pushing hard to be a manager or someone who could be proud of my paycheck and in providing for my family. When it became apparent that I was only to be an MVW it crushed me as I would not make the worlds goal for me. I sank with the weight of alcohol weed and depression. It came together to form a bottom where I was a first-time blackout drunk with puke on my suit, my car, and my wife. That was almost 2 years ago. I think I just had my last drink recently and coffee and processed food is next on the list. The farm. I read “Rich Dad Poor Dad” in my teens I never met someone who could model it so it was a dream. Then I saw an opportunity, that I wanted. A farm to give me something to be proud of, to work on and build that provides for my family. And so it starts and not even a full year in I can see the momentum starting to build. I still carry the weight of old Dan, I don’t like saying yes as it brings responsibility. I hate responsibility to other people. It was never something I chose, it was always delegated. I feel even though I am an adult I had to do many things that I had no heart for, or else. It crushes me some days usually when the shoulda have started, procrastination is a curse. I should have said this, called this person, put in for this. It all feels like it's not for me but for them. When the shouldas don't plague me I find the “meaning crisis” does. What do I want to do? How? Why? I know the answer is my kids, wife, the farm. It doesn’t make the feeling any better though. So I go out to the farm, on my own to be alone. I found a group that supports me and pushes me like I have never felt. Thank you each of you have put more in my energy than you know. Don't stop, I can't. Thank you

😅 Instead find a copy of an English (or your native tongue) translation of the book of Rumzajs. Your kids will be captivated by Rumzajs stories and will remember his name. It’s about family, and robin hood adventure.

More like, I didn't drink the stuff until I was like 25. I can remember when an afternoon bottle of iced tea would keep me awake till midnight. I think I need to step back the amount of chemicals I am consuming to find a new level.

Thanks, I can only say the same about you. I appreciate you a lot, plant buddy! 🌿 all the hopes, absolutely worth it. Now get ready, make yourself fresh and start your day with a good feeling!!! 🙏🏼🫶

Thanks for this glimpse into your struggles - these feelings seem to reflect many of my own over the last few years. Here’s to less puking, and more value in life. 💜 gone to get something done now - thank you for your external positive force.

I will say this. My 30’s were the hardest & most challenging time of my life. Hitting a version of personal rock bottom in that timeframe is completely normal IMO. Drink too much, work too much, keepin up with the Joneses is real, kids can overwhelm etc etc. Most people go through it, if they’re being honest, & hopefully fight their way back to what makes them them & happy. I did & will say that my life really started in my late 30’s, early 40’s. It wasn’t easy but the fight was worth it 10000000%. Keep punchin & things always get better. Your rock bottom in your 30’s. Me: https://image.nostr.build/124b74b14ac146e079617a457f42f6d6d297242eb2acfa277dc05551835687e6.jpg

Thx for the background story Mr wedge. It resonates with me. Farm life is so fulfilling. And with great fulfilment and hard work comes crushing disappointment and burn out. Not trying to discourage at all. It just happens eventually and you will dealt with it. I've been homesteading since 2012 and farming since 2018. Every year you get a little better and smarter. But I burn out almost every year. Its now my main worry in farming\homesteading. Wishing you an incredible growing season!

The 5 yr plan will have me leave my 9-5. i know i can pace myself, we have already pushed back a green house. That being said I can feel my body taking longer to heal compared to my 20s. The disappointment this far has been minimal, but i am the dumb shovel i the equation. My wifes the flowers artist

They’re related to apples and popular in China. Here are pics of my favorite Chinese hawthorn sweets, 糖葫芦 and 山楂条 https://image.nostr.build/875a867267d55cfa4fab610e67bed60bf9664da2e37a78948fa451b363420d35.jpg https://image.nostr.build/7ab18843350c66091209c4b060d0ddb0a79f6f4f82f1fe0158d1543ed4ec4f0e.jpg