Oddbean new post about login | logout @f9408be4 @dabe0ad5 @b7cf77c6 @91f99226 @dd5fb5aa That marriage is already OVER. If they don't fix that and if she doesn't get a clue about the fact that she's not doing anything but ENDING IT ALL, then they're only together right now to pretend for the kids. Just sayin. Sex as a weapon = MARRIAGE OVER.
@b2e3a57d @f9408be4 @b7cf77c6 @91f99226 @dd5fb5aa They *appear* to be good together. I guess she is using refusal of sex to get back him, but he's just resigned himself to never having sex again since a divorce would break him emotionally (his kids would split on which parent to go with) and financially. They signed a prenuptial, but that was nearly 20 years ago.
@dabe0ad5 @f9408be4 @b7cf77c6 @91f99226 @dd5fb5aa Then it IS what I said it was, just pretending for the kids... What they DON'T understand is that it's going to be just as messy, and perhaps even harder for some to accept what happens after they leave the household, because they'll feel like Mom & Dad lied to each other for years, so they must be lying to them, the kids... Just saying the things I've seen. Only delaying the inevitable.
@b2e3a57d @f9408be4 @b7cf77c6 @91f99226 @dd5fb5aa Oh man, he's fucked. I should get the couch in my basement cleaned up.
@dabe0ad5 @b2e3a57d @f9408be4 @91f99226 @dd5fb5aa Even if he has given up on his happiness, I doubt she has. Maybe if he saw that some how, and the lack of fairness, he would have the energy to change things.
@b7cf77c6 @b2e3a57d @f9408be4 @91f99226 @dd5fb5aa So you're saying he should cheat on his wife?
@dabe0ad5 @b2e3a57d @f9408be4 @91f99226 @dd5fb5aa I'm not sure it would be cheating at this point, if she is already out and about... but I was more saying she might be just fine and even like the way things are. If he could see the how uneven their positions were, it might change his perspective. They both deserve happiness.
@b7cf77c6 @b2e3a57d @f9408be4 @91f99226 @dd5fb5aa I don't know, I kinda got the feeling he was resigned to paying the price of no sex for watching porn, while she never wanted sex with him to begin with. I don't think she's cheating on him -- she's no prize, but I suppose it isn't out of the realm of possibility.
@dabe0ad5 @f9408be4 @b7cf77c6 @91f99226 @dd5fb5aa My Suggestion is that no matter how epic the fallout is; be honest with your children, especially from age 8-10 forward, and don't hide huge future land-mines from them... because it will come back to bite you in the ass. Just saying. My own parents literally loved and hated each other, and for us as kids, it probably would have been best if they'd have split.
@b2e3a57d @dabe0ad5 @f9408be4 @b7cf77c6 @91f99226 @dd5fb5aa My guess is that the wife has had an affair for many years, and would consider having sex with the husband like cheating on her true love. The porn penalty is just a way of justifying her actions.
@87e0b6e2 @b2e3a57d @f9408be4 @b7cf77c6 @91f99226 @dd5fb5aa Interesting theory. Not sure she's cheating on him.
@dabe0ad5 @b2e3a57d @f9408be4 @b7cf77c6 @91f99226 @dd5fb5aa You have listened to it from ground zero, I am one level removed. My reasons for the suspicion is the fundamental difference between men and women, the majority of women are incapable of loving multiple men, unlikely men that can have feelings for multiple women.
@b2e3a57d @f9408be4 @dabe0ad5 @b7cf77c6 @91f99226 @dd5fb5aa when contempt sets in (and it has, here), that's what really ends a relationship. If you feel a little contempt, get help right away. Therapists can help.
@d0edf83a @b2e3a57d @f9408be4 @dabe0ad5 @91f99226 @dd5fb5aa Been thinking about this, and something didn't click until now. I'm guessing now, that over the last 5 years, he's not been trying very hard to get laid. Or else it would have been very likely to have happened. Which means they both don't very much like sex with each other enough to make an effort, for whatever reason. Not a happy state of things, but there they are, stuck.
@b7cf77c6 @d0edf83a @b2e3a57d @f9408be4 @91f99226 @dd5fb5aa The way I understand it, he has tried, but she isn't into it, and he's just given up. He has all the other needs met: he's financially stable, he eats well (she's a good cook -- I can vouch for that), and his kids seem like they're top notch people. But they just don't have sex. I'm so depressed thinking about it. I think I'd blow my brains out if I had that situation.