Oddbean

Question for the Married People or Long Term Relationship Folks, First, really look at your spouse/partner/lover and then remember your first real love, first real crush as a child/teenager/young adult. Do they have similar features or characteristics? I'm exploring this concept where the universe brings you through life to meet "the one" by introducing you to people that are...let's say...reminders, or more like clues. So instead of your first love being that person who was the one that was supposed to be your true love, it was a person introduced to you as a puzzle piece or character builder so you could meet the person that is more complete and is actually more suited for you. By following this idea of soulmates, its not about what you lost or could have had but flipping the script as the people in the beginning were helping you navigate to your destiny. And if you are with someone who is your first love, do you feel a sense of wholeness, do you feel you complete? As if you bypassed all the clues and found your one.

My wife was my first true love because I never got a chance to explore other avenues or going on dates with other girls. I met my best friend in college and once we met we just clicked and now I'm happily married to her 15 yrs strong

Communication, dates are important in my honest opinion. But lately we have not had many dates because just no time but I know that's not a reason to not go on dates. When my mother in law takes my son here and there that's when we actually have us time and watch movies 😁. We don't go out because trying to save money but our dates are at home together 😍 that's all I can ask for. I love her. She is literally my soulmate. Sorry for the rambling

Hm. My first mad love was little Adam in kindergarten, I allegedly used to drag him behind furniture and give him kisses so much I cought his cold and got down with awful fevers several times. He never wanted to, but also never did anything against it. In first class too, I remember giving him kisses, which he just silently accepted. Yea, there are similarities.

I think you need to be sent to the principal's office 😂 or HR... Is you husband ok? Funny enough for me, I was always chasing boys who liked other girls apparently. In kindergarten, I thought Andrew - I think that's his name - was cute. One day, he was chasing a girl around the table and I started chasing him. He stopped and turned around and said, "not you!" I had to learn the lesson to not chase people who are not chasing you. But then life sent me a bunch of guys that chased me, but didn't want me after they got me... So I don't know the universe's big lesson here, but if it involves chasing then it's never a good sign. Well this certainly just opened a new thought.

yes~! needless to say, i was always drawn to more assertive girls when i was younger, but faaaarrr too shy and ashamed to pursue them or admit it. although this was something i knew i wanted, i hid myself due to external pressures and expectations. my Wife, who is a beautiful blend of sweet, funny, and bossy, sent out signals i simply couldn't resist. <333 just the energy of Her presence, and framework and structure She brought was something i truly needed at that time in my life.

Met the hubs when I was 8 or 9, and knew I wanted to marry him one day. After that, no one held a candle to him. I was crushed when he dated other girls (he's a few years older and I was just a child). Finally grew up and decided it was never going to happen and then we got together. We have always talked about EVERYTHING, we enjoy doing the same things, we are a team and have been for over 20 years coming up on 17 married in a few months.

She was being the way she is with kids and had nice hair and a gentle smile. I checked her out in the rear view mirror of the car we were in at the time and made a decision. Then I began Operation Yarnlady. It was a success. It was all very romantic.

I have been married for 30 years. She is not my first love. My trust for my wife, though, is much greater than the first one. While they were both grounded people when I met them just a year or two apart. My wife was the one who would go with me anywhere. The first one, not so much. My wife was the one who was there when I was severely injured in an oil field accident right out of college. The first one would have run from my injuries. My wife is the one who has been there with me building towards a future. The other one is a thing of the past. There was more intensity in the first relationship. There is more life in the current one.

There is no "the one." My values have changed over time, and what I value in my spouse now isn't the same as when we were 20. If she hadn't grown with me, she wouldn't be "the one" anymore (which entirely dispells the soulmate ideal). We would have instead grown apart (and I did with someone I once thought was who I would die with). The universe doesn't care about you and doesn't have a particular person chosen for you. People in fact do change and not always for the better. You may find "the one" and end up divorced in 20 years. I think this sort of thinking comes from Disney princess type movies that mystify love and connection. Your values should determine who is right for you and who isn't. Those values will likely change over time and sometimes the people in your life will too. My wife, up to this point, has grown in the same direction with me, so we remain together. She could go in a completely different direction ten years from now. Or I could. I hope not, but that's reality.