My brain's is struggling to process simultaneously living in a country that might outlaw trans people (over simplified) and getting YouTube ads featuring a clearly AMAB person putting on mascara to sell the mascara.
This is not computing in my organic CPU.
The downside to high IQ is having such a strong understanding of how much I am not functioning well, and really understanding the remarks hurled at me. ...and knowing when I finally confront the ones who said it, it won't amount to fuck all because they don't fucking care.
And people wonder why I get this depressed.
What spawned tonight's hurt was finding out I'm not as accepted by my roommates as I thought.
We discussed moving the date when utilities are paid. All I asked for was a little help remembering while I adjust to the new schedule.
"You need to grow up and do things on your own. You're an adult, Koda" from the one who's chronic fatigue is why I often power through sensory and germophobia hell and spend what few spoons I have to do extra dishes, her dishes, to assist a disabled roommate.
My #Linux server has 3 kernels on it.
The oldest one stops booting, takes ages to error "timed out waiting for the udev queue being empty" 4 times, and then resumes. It's like 5 minutes waiting for this.
The other 2 newer kernels just keep repeating that error forever and never resume boot.
I have read many forums, tried many things, from noapic and nomodeset to turning crap off in BIOS.
It's driving me nuts, as I can't remotely reboot it, it'd just go to the newest kernel and get stuck on it
I can't update #Linux on my laptop.
I can't install the new kernel because removing the old nvidia-utils breaks the dependency for the old nvidia-utils.
These issues that break updates are getting more frequent and are absolutely infuriating.
Biden: "There is no place in America for political violence, or any violence!"
Really? No place in America for violence?
I dunno, violence seems to have been given a nice, snug, cozy place within our country's police departments.
Capitalism also gives violence a warm embrace.
Christianity and violence are best friends!
Weird thing with my server -
If I move the PCI cards around to an order that makes sense, like putting the tuner cards together, it won't boot, and some arrangements won't post.
I wanted the USB bracket in the slot that isn't actually a slot in the board (plugs in to USB headers), and I wanted the RAID card next to that for more air and so the fan I added is away from other cards. Nope.
They only work in 1 order. At least the card by the RAID fan is the tiny USB 3 card.
@Vyram Kraven Alright let me just pull up my favorite game playing music and... Oh dear, I don't have thousands of tracks of music in /home/hellomiakoda/Music
What a surprise. It's almost like I would have fucking thought of that if I fucking had the music I like on hand.
@Vyram Kraven
Ah, yet another from Mostr. No wonder your reply is assinine.
You guys have formed a pattern. If the username looks like one of my passwords, and from mostr.pub, it'll be an asshole.
@Vyram Kraven Alright let me just pull up my favorite game playing music and... Oh dear, I don't have thousands of tracks of music in /home/hellomiakoda/Music
What a surprise. It's almost like I would have fucking thought of that if I fucking had the music I like on hand.
PS5's non-game feature set is objectively worse than PS4!
Feature PS4 has that PS5 can (won't!) do:
Web Browser (I'm aware there's a trick)
DLNA music playback.
DLNA Video Playback.
Tidal playback (Via Plex app)
Themes
Curiosity Stream (despite PS4 backward compatibility - which the Spotify app used till the PS5 app was finished!)
Remote Play via PS Vita
@DOUG
You know damn well what I mean.
It's the same idea as the fact that when I call you a fucking 2 by 4, I do not mean you are literally a piece of lumber engaged in coitus.
I keep hearing this crap about unity. I'd love it if everyone got along, at least well enough to leave each other alone. Very enticing concept... Except for one ELEPHANT in the room...
I'm not compatible with unity with people who want certain groups of innocent people to stop existing. Especially when I'm in at least two of said groups, and I have friends in even more of those groups. I don't want to be united with fucken nazis. I'm not capable of it! Nazis bad!
And no, I don't just take someone's word that someone else is a damn nazi. I don't have to.
I just hop on the internet and watch, hear, and read the nazis themselves tell me they're fuckin nazis!
I have eyes and ears of my very own that work reasonably well, and the brain cells to process that input with.
Someone close to me informed me they really need some touch support... and I just don't have it right now. I feel bad about it, but I just don't have that capacity right now.
I shouldn't feel guilt, but it's there.
Touch is so horribly overwhelming right now, I can't do it for more than a moment or two.
☹️
I am so tired of the US.
Let's see... Republicans are nazis, so they're out.
What are my dem primary choices...
Joe Biden... Ugh. His only redeeming quality is at least he's not Trump.
Marianne Wlliamson. Hey, a woman! Who's she?
*search* Oh... she's someone who thinks there's a link between vaccines and autism.
*heavy sigh*
I fucking hate this.
Can I write in "Anyone with some god damn intelligence and compassion who's not old enough to remember the invention of electricity"?
This might sound silly, idk... probably the years of bullshit making me thing it sounds silly...
Just chilling in my car a bit, stimming to the music and yeah, that's helpful. I don't understand WHY it helps, but it does.
Also, good to know my shocks are ok. 🤣
I wonder how much the "does not play well with others" on my real early report cards was just
- overstim
- having no idea how to social
- avoiding bullying
- intolerance of these... humans disrupting my time, space, activity, and routine.
I hope nobody minds...
In response to realizing how much hurt I inadvertantly allow to be inflicted upon me by fawning, I'm countering that...
I'm on a quest to be as unapologetically my autistic self as possible. I reference it a lot, and I will keep doing so till those around me have just accepted it's presence as mundane.
Taking up a human sized amount of "space" in the world is not entitlement, special treatment, or selfishness.
Feel free to join me on this quest.
My server scripts, simple as they are, make use of yt-dlp.
Are there yt-dlp like CLI apps for youtube alternatives?
I know yt-dlp works, kinda, in Tubi... but it didn't work on peertube, for example
Well... I made a miscalculation.
I used adhesives to "mount" hard drives to the sloped ceiling of my room. Low stakes, I just didn't want to put more effort in, and wouldn't need these back. ADHD said "MAKE IT WORK!"
Well, now I wanted it back. I think demounting it destroyed it. That board flexed frighteningly far, and now the insulating layer under it is sticking out from underneath.
Ah well, lesson learned. I'll unscrew this board and reposition that layer before I attempt to fire it up.
@88d53080 I said it, that's how.
I say it often, actually.
I even said it while questioning your nonsense about stimming being an addiction.
And yes, even neurotypicals stim, they just arrogantly declare THEIR stimming and ONLY their stimming as socially acceptable.
And yes, sitting at my terminal in my dark room takes less energy than most tasks and activities, especially since I have a little laptop I can use laying down.
I feel very broken, useless, pathetic, inadequate.
I feel like a burden, undeserving of help.
I feel... the others are doing ok, why do I struggle so much? Why would I feel my struggles are "more important" than Joe NT Smoe being exhausted after work?
I'm so brilliant, I have a high IQ - but can't do basic shit?! wtf!
Just... a lot of negative headspace around what I'm struggling so much with.
😭
@88d53080
My words work fine. You called autistic stimming an addiction. That does not make sense.
Are you confused? Are you thinking of a different definition of stimming? Or are you an asshole bullying an autist?
So far, It seems it's that last one.
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