Third attempt:

DMV: How can I help you?

Me: I'd like to speak to a human?

DMV: How can I help you? (at intervals); system eventually gives up and asks me if I'd like to speak to a team member.

List of seven options (1-6, 9), can't figure out what's applicable. System repeats the menu a couple of times then gets impatient with me and hangs up. 

 Thing is I think I know the option I want but I'm not *sure* as what I'm dealing with is a process that got quirked. I'm not initiating a process. A human could probably clear this up in a few seconds. If I could figure out how to route to one. 

 Follow-up thing is: I've dealt with the PA and MO DMVs. In person. This is *very* outside of my wheelhouse, so even with a flowchart sketched out and (hopefully) all relevant data in front of me I'm still easily flustered/discouraged. The unfamiliarity is, honestly, overwhelming.