Oddbean new post about login | logout Nice people suck. They’re typically really fake and passive aggressive. Be Kind and genuinely change the world… or at a minimum make someone else’s day. nostr:note162knkzpt4e5z92a35qv8n3vnesawewejkfmcn8kr69s22y9m627s4vghmk
Nice people are nice. Passive aggressive people suck. They are not always different people. Don't cut nice people out of your life, kind people can be nice too.
Many people are battling nice person syndrome.
Idk if it’s a battle or a choice with tangible consequences 😂
For men at least, lack of father influence. Being raised by modern public schools. This is how the nice guy syndrome can be established.
I’m not a man so I can’t agree or disagree. It’s been my experience/understanding that niceness exploded with integration. As soon as it became politically unacceptable for people to outwardly express their disdain niceness became an agenda that was pushed onto school aged children. Female role models and influences began marketing niceness as a way to overcome unjustified discomfort and it evolved into everyone getting a trophy. Before integration, it was a difference of class and those with class who were kind interacted respectfully with those deemed “beneath” them. Nice people acknowledged them but also ignored the havenots. An English teacher once told me that the women’s lib movement was actually the dismantling of masculinity to push niceness onto Americans. He said the goal was to lull the youth to sleep and enrage the men to prison. That’s why “nobody likes the nice guy” I thought he was an asshole but maybe you’re right.
I disagree. Being kind is a virtue. It makes up a persons character. Being nice is an attribute of pleasant society. It yields passive aggressive attitudes and permits micro aggressions. It’s a show of civility to reflect kindness while enabling self-righteousness and hiding true feelings. For example hiding one’s true opinion to maintain a pleasant atmosphere is nice. Withholding honest feelings while plastering a smile on your face to not cause a problem is nice. Pretending to enjoy something that is displeasing, offensive, or lackluster is nice. Empty compliments and sweet words are nice. Being honest is being genuine. You seek to tell the truth without hurting the recipient of the action. It yields understanding, empathy, and compassion. It enables joy. It’s telling the truth and/or finding the truth. It can be humiliating at times but that builds character. I don’t cut people out of my life easily. I protect my peace by paying attention when people show me who they are. Then I move accordingly.
Hmmm, I see where you are going with this and I agree. I agree that the act of feeling one way and performing another way is bad, but I wouldn't call it nice. I would call it _acting_ nice, which is being false, which is bad. I think nice people are good. Kind people can be seen as nice. So can false or passive aggressive people. That kind of pretending behavior is weak and corrosive, I think we agree there. But just because a wolf is in sheep's clothing doesn't mean that we should fear the sheep. I am probably being nit picky and pedantic here, but I have heard this argument before from someone who was clearly trying to manipulate me out of a solid relationship for their own gain. It is appealing, no doubt, but I have to go back to first principles here: nice is good, kind is good, manipulative or false is bad. People are complicated, I try to watch for patterns over time rather than individual traits before judging, and it sounds like you do too. Like I said, I am probably being nit picky about one word, I am sorry and I will shut up now
No need to shut up!! I love words and think it’s okay to wrestle with them. You’re being kind by showing others grace and you don’t want people to be excluded. That’s nice 😊 I try to avoid labeling things good and bad. It’s too objective and devoid of nuance. Because you see nice as good you naively misjudged that person as someone whose opinion should matter. It happens to all of us. I kinda think that’s one of the things that will harden a persons heart. You protect yourself from those people by understanding kindness is the sheep’s clothing. The sheep are kind. People who have to act nice or make sure they are nice are the wolves. They don’t want to be exposed so they cloak themselves in pleasantries. They get in good with kind people and eventually hurt them. Life is too short and peace is too hard to come by to spend time learning other people. I truly believe a person will tell you exactly who they are and how to treat them if you pay attention and listen. Sure, they may be awesome people but that doesn’t necessarily entitle them access to you.