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 I'm using a small personal relay, wss://chorus.mikedilger.com:444/

- how did you discover them?  I created it.  I wrote the software. 
- are they with people you know IRL?  Yes I know myself well enough at least.
- what do you like about using a smaller relay?  Total control, helps me debug my client
- what if anything would you change or improve?  I'm not sure right now it's pretty stable, but as soon as I think of it I will improve it. 
 is this with your client,Gossip, i assume? i could just use my personal relay for sending and receiving on Gossip? 

i know much debate has been raging but its mostly above my head.  
 I wrote the chorus relay https://github.com/mikedilger/chorus which uses techniques similar to strfry to offer crazy performance, but with some extra techniques Doug didn't use to make the performance even crazier fast.  But I don't actually know if it is actually faster than strfry since nobody has run performance testing to find out (you know what they say about best laid plans and also about dry-labbing... I can't claim anything since I don't actually know).

But chorus can be configured as a personal relay (doesn't allow events that come in to be immediately read back by others, so it can't be responsible for spam or illegal content, making your life easier) or a regular relay.  I use mine as a personal relay and moderate content (so it can be read back out) and use it as both an INBOX and an OUTBOX (and DMs now too).

Yes, gossip is my main project, a desktop client.  Chorus helps me to improve gossip since I can clearly see and take to heart what is happening on both sides of a nostr connection.