Oddbean new post about login | logout Fans of “tradwives” abound here. There was even a song. What does this term mean to you? If you like or prefer tradwives, are there differences between what you like about them and your conception of an actual typical wife from the actual past? What’s your conception of a non-trad wife and do you see any benefits? #asknostr #marriage #trad #tradwife #grownostr
I’ve known many men who had tradwives. Almost everyone of them had a mistress or multiple side chicks 🐣
Why would they have side chickens?
More eggs, duh. 😂
Made this many years ago 🤣🙌✨😵💫🍷 https://image.nostr.build/1b51ee9cf61170fe462be0669c0e2c5c4768174970eb2695faa3e01d819ca4b5.jpg
“I love my wife but she doesn’t allow me to F*ck her” was the most common answer. My argument was maybe their wives wanted exactly that but they hadn’t had the conversation. Then they would almost always get defensive about how their “sweet wife” would never do such things. Sometimes I’d think & even hope their wives were getting it in elsewhere. Cause fair is fair … Beauty of being deployed with men & overall treated as one. 🤣🙌✨ https://youtu.be/crIZ_hgKlAg?si=ZDg-FT-M2gibILZI
Stupidity
The double standards really made me ill. Luckily I was smart enough to spread rumors my body held all manner of STD’s. Mostly worked against being a target for the boys in men bodies. Either way, I’m stronger now & they hold no power over me anymore. 😊
I wish I could deny that. That being acknowledged, is being a single father truly worthy of its overinflated, and often underappreciated, outlook?
No idea. 🤷🏻♀️ Single fathers should speak to that. I’ve never been one. Known many but none of them ever said they felt under appreciated. Hmm 🤔
It's never our intention to burden women with such stigmas, but there are particular challenges that come with being a single father.
Interesting. I’ll ask all the ones I know about them. 🙌🫂
Cooking. Not being able to cook is not a flex for anyone.
When was it? I never cook because I despise it. My choice was to always choose a partner who enjoys cooking. They all knew going in that they cooked or we would have to order in or go out to dinner. People just aren’t honest enough when dating. Convinced of that.
Ooof ya gotta cook. Everybody’s gotta cook. Not being able to cook is like not being able to shower. Or not being able to dress yourself. Ya gotta.
I personally agree 😂 you don’t have to be a gourmet chef but it’s important to be able to do basic keeping yourself alive
Yes and cooking for another person is such a universal act of service, act of love, people are really whiffing it if they don’t learn this basic thing
No worries 😉 All of my children know how to cook as well. Just because it’s something I personally despise doesn’t mean I failed them. They vary in their abilities just as with any other skill. One seems to enjoy it & is constantly trying new recipes. Again, people are varied. Just because cooking is a basic skill it doesn’t require anyone to inherently enjoy it.
“I never cook because I despise it.” I *can* cook. Oldest of many children. Single mother for many years FFS 🤦🏻♀️ NEVER enjoyed it. Told my beloved grandfather that when I grew up I’d marry a man who cooked because it has never been enjoyable for me. Ever.
Is this your only criterion? I.e., all wives who can cook are tradwives?
Not necessarily but it’s the one I am most willing to stand behind. Bake a man a pie and he’s yours, that’s all I’m saying.
My Spidey senses tell me this is a trap...
This note is purely for research. I won’t argue with anyone in the replies to it unless explicitly invited. I reserve the right to make “air replies” based on thoughts I have in response to responses. I’m asking because I keep running into people I like here who are into this concept and I wonder if their definitions align with mine. Conversations are meaningless without a common understanding of terms.
I guess a trad wife to me means wife that doesn't have an Only Fans account.
Is this, or by extension, a wife who is monogamous and faithful in deed as well as in mind, your only criterion?
Not sure if this was just a question for the men, but I would consider myself somewhat of a tradwife. To start, I feel this term is highly nuanced, so it can be tough to discuss. Everyone has their own set of circumstances that prevents the existence of the perfect definition of "tradwife". A few things I can mention that I believe qualify me as a tradwife are: I take my role as a mother very seriously and have not worked outside the home for the last 10+ years as we have small children at home still, I homeschool our children, I cook from scratch, I do my best to avoid processed food in the home, we have dinner as a family every night, I take my role as a wife seriously as an equal partner or help mate to my husband. I stand by my husband as he leads our family while trusting and knowing he considers my feelings and opinions as equally as God's, and his own. I do my best to maintain an (within reason) orderly home where our family is blessed to enjoy peace and joy. The maintenance of the home is mainly on me, but with the involvement of all family members on varying levels. I take care of the home because husband works outside the home. I nurture the children and encourage them to have relationships with their father and to respect him. All circumstances are unique, but these are a few of my thoughts. I absolutely love my life as a wife and mother. We've made many worldly sacrifices to live this life and I believe it's worth it. It's not for everyone though, I suppose. What are commonly agreed upon characteristics of tradwives you've heard? What are your thoughts?
I definitely value women’s definitions and thoughts on this as well! Anyone who uses the term, is like to know what they mean by it. I plan to respond to your questions soon 🙏
I’d *
So, it’s because I’ve never really heard anyone define it that I’m asking this question, so I don’t think I know yet what the commonly agreed upon characteristics of tradwives are. By some of the answers, they’re defined very simply by one characteristic, by which even I would be considered one 😅 because I cook all the time and don’t have an onlyfans 😂 But others like you are answering more in line with my own thoughts, which are, a little simplistically: A tradwife is a married woman who believes it’s her duty to live according to a certain conception of gender roles; to be a skilled, capable homemaker, and focus on pleasing her husband, with whom there is an obedience relationship, and raising children. I’m partly asking this question because I’d like to know if it’s like I thought, and a belief in the necessity of gender roles and marital hierarchy is necessary for being a tradwife, or if a tradwife is simply defined by what she does. Because if the latter, I might be one 🤔 at least for now
hmm, i guess i should take the opportunity to say I've never actually used the term "tradwife." lol i just gave my opinion on common characteristics of what a "traditional wife" is to me. this only fans thing has my interest piqued though. i would think it to be pretty disrespectful to my husband if i had an only fans account, and vice versa. i guess for me, marriage would seem pointless if he or I was showing our goodies off to the world. i mean that goes against common sense, no? i honestly didn't know that was such a common thing among married folks. makes me think, no wonder we're in so much trouble as human beings! is anything sacred? also, i don't know that obedient is the right word for me. i believe marriage is between 2 equal partners... we both have our zones and we help each other with our zones when we need to... but again, that can look different for each marriage. Anyway, this convo just has me really thinking. i don't define what i am, i just live my life the best i know how and go with the flow best i can. i know that to be a mother and wife is a divine calling. it's a great power that comes with great responsibility. when taken seriously, a mother and a wife can be the most beautiful expression on earth.
The definition you provided fits well, except for the obedience part.. definitely a partner who recognizes neither is more important than the other, and respects and adores her equal partner. Definitely recognition of gender roles and not afraid to express her femininity in carrying them out. I see gender roles as primary focuses with overlap.
It just so happens that mens gender roles is to lead.. so rather than the wife being obedient, she allows the man to fulfill his role by leading
I don’t get the difference here between obedience and following. Can you explain?
Not surprisingly, human relations are more complex than they seem when digging in. I see "obedience" as implying AUTHORITY. Husbands don't have authority over wife's in my view. Each have different gifts and inclinations and strengths that are supposed to synergize and play on each other's strengths. For me, the "trad" criteria is recognizing gender roles, of which leadership and decision making is one for men. And a woman recognizing that this is a role the man plays, also has her role in supporting, providing critical views for consideration where needed, and counsel, oftentimes follows because she doesn't wanna make the decisions and she had already been brought in the process. These roles overlap in different areas. There is also the dynamic of in the home vs outside the home, too much to expound on.
So if she consistently doesn’t want to make decisions, what is the point of a role? Is this simply something y’all naturally fit into or is it enforceable somehow? What happens if one day she wants to make a decision or you wish she would?
Sorry, this question does escape the scope of the original post, but I am curious. 🙏
I'm not sure you can ever have those conversations because those words are just slogans. No one knows what any social terms mean because they're never testable. It's exactly the same with words like misogyny on one side and wokery on the other. They're really just weapons people use to get their own way. Liberal is the classic example in the USA. When people use it they mean to pick a side. It had no actual meaning at all.
Me and my wife are simple people. The old gender roles please both of us, and we’re both the type of people who like to have a ruler to measure how we’re doing. I’m one of the few online though, who will 100% die saying it isn’t for everyone, should not be portrayed as such, and might not even be for me and my wife forever. People are different and change over time. It was just easy and natural (for US) so we talked and agreed this was how we’d do the first few years. 🤷♂️
I think it’s a spectrum. You can go from modern to traditional or anywhere in between. I’m more of a modern wife at this point because I have a career and can’t even boil water. I also dress crazy, swear like a sailor, and smoke a lot of weed so i don’t give off super feminine vibes like the women who are closer to the trad side of the spectrum. It’s all kind of meaningless labels, but traditional wives to me are like 50s housewives who wear dresses everyday, are the householders, and care for the man and his kids. To me, they act/dress/present more feminine and “proper”. I think there’s benefits either way, but the best would be to fall somewhere in the middle. For example, my husband nor I really care about holding a “traditional” household, but would it be nice if I could cook a nice meal and get my hair done more often? Fuck yeah.
Maybe the classic home maker wife, stays home with the kids, takes care of the house and family while the husband mines fiat to support the family… I consider my wife a traditional wife because she’s a stay at home wife and mother… and she is the glue that holds our whole family together and alive… she has probably the hardest career, she home schools two kids and takes care of a baby and every other week a teenage step-son, she cooks amazing food and does her best to clean up after the hurricane of 3 small children and an immature middle aged husband, all I do is wake up, fiat mine, come home, eat, and sleep… the weekends I try to give her some time off from her 24/7 job… by getting up with the baby and doing what I can to help.
Just here to say it's an interesting conversation and I'm enjoying following it!
You may not guess this about me, but I cook epicurean several times a week from scratch, and always from natural ingredients, and use real butter, etc. I also am an amazing housekeeper, very tidy and organized, and have managed teams to keep a household going. My parents were very traditional in marriage as well. I've definitely been influenced by traditional values, but because I also value my career, and will always work out a home office, I hope to also hire people to help us with the housework. Does this make me traditional I think the triad wife trend that's going now only makes the news when it's really really extreme-like I doubt I'm gonna make my own toothpaste. I'd rather make a book or an app.
Man here making my own toothpaste 😎
Tradwives seem to just be homemakers.
People on Twitter always called me a tradwife and then got out their lists and explained all of the 1000 ways that I'm tradwifing wrong.
What comes to my mind when I hear the term is Instagram and/or tiktok influencers cosplaying the 1950s. That's probably not what it means to most people, but the little that has crossed my various feeds just looks like a play-act.
In no particular order: Handy Thrifty Clever Witty Helpful Cute Beautiful Hawt Decidedly non-delusional about her sex Strong Well-read Competent Able to function autonomously but chooses to be part of a team
For me as someone from central Europe I'd like even understand what is socio economic background of treadwife term. Is it something that was reality? And in what time period, fifties? Or is it just some "idealized" version of wife from "better times" in general?
Kinda both. The US is subject to really horrific nostalgia programming, and it comes out like this.
But the real one is from fifties or when? My idea about it was like, ok, we have still men with jobs able to provide for whole family, but on the other hand there is lot of new development in area of taking care about household, so it is not that much time consuming. But I´m not sure if this is correct assumption. Because we don´t really have such tradition per se. After war when communist took over, every woman had to work, so this never happened here.
To me at tradwife is a wife who works within the home and takes on the traditional household and child rearing duties. Every marriage and family circumstance is different but it could include: cleaning, homeschooling. Cooking, gardening, processing fish and meat, running errands, having a side hussle for extra income that is done at home, etc
