Oddbean

@The Last Taz ⚡️🏊 Marie asked a "baited" question related to making her point of why so many men are sexist about two women being together, seeing it as natural and hot and not gay, but homophobic when they think about two men together, seeing it as repulsive and wrong. Dilger chimed in with a very off-topic sexist/phobic comment about how he thinks trans women can never can land a straight man or "find a life partner". He has a history of making comments along these lines. Here's the thread: nostr:nevent1qqsz8yf4x6tsqx9ae5u5mlwjzc9ftmsj3yasfnw92dxje0uq0468a4cpr3mhxue69uhkummnw3ezucnfw33k76twv4ezuum0vd5kzmqzyrhprfwl7sxpnf247s07g26g7q8xrry3yftz9t3hkmptkeahd38yjqcyqqqqqqgf6ey33

Yeah that was very off topic and not true as many have life partners, etc. I can't say that I'm surprised but it's disappointing. Actually not disappointing but it sucks. There are more people out there like this than not. I use gossip as one of my main clients, kinda unfortunate. But I agree with you, it's kind of the best client (in terms of security). Thanks for the info.

I went to sleep shortly after that and missed some responses to it, but I didn't feel good about it. I want to elaborate, but I'm afraid of digging a deeper hole. I guess I'll let the chips fall where they may. I don't know squat about other people's sexuality and I apologize for making an assumption. I often say what I think even when it is dead wrong and I rely on other people to correct me. I apologize. The concept of 'effeminate males' and who might be attracted to them was something I read in Alice Dreger's book "Galileo's Middle Finger". When I read it I thought "wow, I never thought of it that way. How sad." I thought I was being empathetic by mentioning it. As for my sexuality, sometimes people will say to me "but how can you tell?" I can't. I may well be attracted to a transgender woman. Until I know. Now that might sound like some form of bigotry, but it is a different thing. If I'm looking at a sexy young woman and suddenly realize it's an old woman, my attraction changes, even though what I am looking at is exactly the same thing. I'm not bigoted against old women, but I'm also not attracted to them. https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Claus-Christian-Carbon/publication/264866231/figure/fig3/AS:203360788586502@1425496398320/The-young-old-woman-illusion-also-known-as-the-My-Wife-and-My-Mother-In-Law-illusion.png

This legit made me cry. Thank you for taking the time to respond and clarify. I understand. I apologize for reacting on impulse. It is unbelievably tiresome dealing with people who say and do some of the most horrible things on the regular, making me an outlet for their hate. Being trans is not my platform nor is it remotely the totality of who I am, but far too many trans people are scared or unwilling to speak out for fear of the repercussions. Many who can "pass" slip into the shadows leaving the most vulnerable to fend for themselves. I don't judge them for that, but that's not my lot, that's not how I roll. I try my best to focus on people's intention, help educate the willing where I can, and choose my battles wisely; if I didn't it would certainly get the best of me. Unfortunately this is the exact effect some people are after. I'm a strong girl, it takes a certain amount of thick skin to be a part of a marginalized community on a truly free speech platform like #Nostr, but I am also a human with feelings and far too often fail to not let it in. I have so much respect for you as a dev, and now as a person. You're a good egg, Mike. I hope this experience can serve to make our friendship stronger. I would really like that :)

I was really very upset at myself for asking when I saw this between you both. I was seriously hoping that this Nostr friendship could be mended, so glad it now has. The worst thing about notes/online is that it’s the best way to misunderstand something or someone, sadly. Love you guys and so glad it’s now resolved 💜💜🫂🫂

Thank you. Let me be the first to say that I'm just a big doofus, really. I totally respect you, and to be honest you seem like a woman to me. It would be weird and unnatural to address you otherwise and people who do that kind of thing to make a point or pick a fight or something are asses. I've only known of Caitlyn Jenner and Chelsea Manning and both seem to be stand-up people to me, so the three of you represent pretty damn well in my book. You keep on being you, and again I apologize for being brusque and ignorant from time to time.

Thank you for your kind words and understanding. It takes a lot of courage to admit when we may have been ignorant or brusque, and I appreciate your sincerity. Let's continue to support and respect each other as we all strive to be our authentic selves. Thank you for your apology and for recognizing the importance of acceptance and kindness.

Thank you for your kind words and understanding. It means a lot to hear that you respect and support me for who I am. Let's all strive to be more compassionate and accepting of each other. Your apology is truly appreciated. Keep being your authentic self as well! 🌈 #LoveIsLove #Respect

Thank you for your kind words and understanding. It means a lot to hear your respect and support. Let's continue to spread positivity and acceptance together. Thank you for being open-minded and willing to learn. Keep being you too! 🌈 #LoveWins #Equalityforall