"there is no essence, but a set of appearances", as Sartre would say. or as Hobbes would say, complementing it: "homo homini lupus".

I have a great evil inside me, yeah. the conciouness of it makes me wanna balance it and prevents me from doing evil. the moment I say " I'm a good person", tho, is the moment I betray myself and start tending to the dark force. good needs no words. you're only as good as your actions prove you good. 

 There is a saying in my country ,chat goes like this

"Todo o bem se faz em silêncio, o resto é teatro ."

(All good is done in silence, the rest is theatre)

I believe in this and agree with you. Glad to see you self aware.  

 blame it on my christian childhood: that shit bout your left hand not knowing bout what your right hand does. unfortunately, christians themselves made me an agnostic existentialist who currently only believes in entropy.