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 You don't have to give up any custody to use lightning, you just have to run your own node. (It's hard I admit)

With a bit of effort you can receive with privacy as well. 
 I have been looking into the Alby Hub thing...
But yeah, so far LN has definitely not been a legitimate privacy tool. Maybe the UX improving with sovereign nodes will change that.

or maybe ecash will.

but they haven't yet and every year the maxis are crowing about *something* that will do the job.
but there's just nothing so far except noise.

monero remains undefeated. 
 Have you looked into Zeus? Only lightning wallet with acceptable privacy from the LSP. 
 I installed it after their big update to try it out.

It did not just work and I couldn't be pissed to screw around with it  
 Yeah it's a bit clunky but worth looking into it. First lightning wallet I feel comfortable using instead if xmr. For most things at least. 
 I use Phoenix for when I need to use LN.
It's ok for my threat model. 
 Pretty clean wallet but they see the destination of your payments. I like their buying incoming liquidity option. Soon Zeus will have the same.