Oddbean

I try to empathize (can't really, to be honest, but I feel like making some effort must count for something), but I often feel under pressure to regulate other people's emotions, and there's a limit to how far I am willing to do that.

That's easy for you to say, but women on here are judged by how many reports they've written or how long their mute list is. Zero accountability. Null. Zippo. Nada. Nichts. It's always the same sequence: 1) That never happened. You just can't handle a logical argument. 2) Okay, it happened, but you probably deserved it, so stop being an argumentative slut. 3) Okay, maybe nobody deserves it, but you should just get used to it. 4) It's a feature, not a bug.

Difficult question. 🤔 We're exposed to more abuse from individual characters on Nostr, but we're less likely to have our own account censored or shadowbanned, and the men on Nostr are individually more aggressive and critical toward predatory male behavior from other men. I would say that I am treated better, overall, on Nostr, and feel safer here. But it could still be better. I.e. mutes could be more persistent, someone's reports could be used to train personal spamfilters, deletes could be better-honored by relays, whitelisting for DMs and replies, etc. It's moving in the right direction. And more awareness of the situation, instead of gaslighting, goes a long way to making women feel less persecuted and reducing the intimidation factor. Having everyone say, "Ugh, yes, what a slimeball, ugh, let's all mute/report him. Ick." is actually usually enough to deescalate the situation. Telling her she's a liar and should just grow up, usually escalates. The ole CALM DOWN. Yeah, girls dig that. 👍

the technology is still very embryonic, but such things as personal relays go a long way to this end, and nobody (aside from my ideation) has thought much about the idea of how to make it practical i've got much work to do yet, probably some fun bullshit involving writing code to try and suck up all the events on the network efficiently, but probably not that complicated to do, and doing an actual service that enables such personal relays as a simple network proxying and VPN rental situation will go a long way to making that viable, then it can shift the responsibility of persistence to your devices and the devs who build the relays and tooling that you install

What I've noticed, is that the more technical knowledge one of the guys on here has, the less likely he is to say, "We can't do anything about that, grow up or go away, the Internet is full of perverts, stop trying to censor men, this is the end of Nostr, blah blah blah." Normalcy bias is strong with some people and they can't conceive of the next technical innovation.

Yeah. The people coming up with different solutions to this common problem (men have this, too) should just be left alone to tinker, IMO. The ideas will rise and fall on their own merit. I think, for instance, that the tagr bot is a fundamentally flawed design and too intrusive and irritating to become the standard. Also, too one-size-fits-all, which I find incredibly unappealing. Half the npubs I follow are getting tagged. I probably am, too. 🤣 Mute that shit, man. But, hey, let the chips fall, amiright?

What I don't support is anything centralized. One person's spam or troll is another persons' fren or funny post, and my own stuff is getting labeled and tagged ad nauseum, so that's already intrusive enough. The focus needs to be on giving each npub a set of tools to curate their feed and customize their experience on Nostr.

Nothing, apparently, is the prevailing wisdom. Also note that reports and mutes are usually public and if someone is bothering you, and you report or mute them, that can set them off on a whole campaign, including using automation, so some women prefer to just become very still or abandon their npub. There's a reason why I mostly stick to reading from private/paid relays. I just broadcast to the other ones; I don't look at them. Thar be dragons.

I guess that sounds like a joke, but we're expected to regulate the emotions of everyone around us with our clothes, so getting dressed can be a real chore, until and unless you develop a personal uniform and just give up on the idea that you can keep bad things from happening to you by wearing the ideally-fitted T-shirt.