yeah, it's horrible.
i personally almost drowned myself in self-poisoning... i was on track for a heart attack, stroke, and losing my vision until this year, i had lost my hope almost completely.
i'm now fighting to get my life back, and my hand has been guided in entirely unexpected ways. i have an intuition about the bigger pattern at play here but i'm just gonna follow the trail that i've been led to.
btw, if you haven't read it, you should read The Apocalypse of Yajnavalkya. it puts together so many pieces of the puzzle your head will be spinning by the end of the book. i just chanced to be referred to it by Mark Jeftovich, the former shitcoiner now bitcoiner DNS guy, they published excerpts from the section about the rituial abuse chapter.
i then read the Book of Enoch and i'm slowly, intermittently reading the Vishnu Purana, which is ringing loads of bells already and i've only just got to the first little narrative in it finally. and omg, reading the word "watchers" in and about them "coming down from the sky" the KJV version of the book of Daniel, can't stand what i'm reading there, it's like a chronicle of evil, but it just confirms things i suspected. most christians have no clue what is really going on. the catholics veiled everything, but the veil is coming off now, as it was told it would.