Oddbean new post about login | logout Not the case for everybody. But... ok.
A woman who wouldn't receive a dowry is low-value, by definition. I mean, there's a reason you didn't put a ring on it...
My daughter is high-value! No doubt! Her mum was not! She proved that time and time again by refusing to see her! Of course, there was a reason I didn't put a ring on it.
I thought historically a dowry was paid by a bride’s family to the husband’s family?
It is, but it's become synonymous with "dower".
Another term is "bride price", which went from the groom to her family.
Still served a similar purpose too, as the dowry was a way to attract a “higher quality” mate. It also meant the bride’s family was picky about who she courted.
We're sort of max-regarded now, as the groom is often expected to spend a ton of money on a fancy wedding and honeymoon. It's still true signaling, but it's basically just burning a pile of cash. People are dropping over 0,5 Bitcoin on one party and it's like... Or just give her the Bitcoin, bro. Or maybe I'm just a spoilsport. 😂
Where I’m from traditionally a bride’s parent’s foot the bill for the wedding. Many couples are jointly paying for their own weddings now. But I’ve never seen a groom expected to pick up the whole tab for a wedding.
Not the entire tab, but they're increasingly paying themselves and financing with debt and his generally higher-income often leads to him footing more of the bill (which is fair). Also, you have to look at the precise breakdown, as bride's family only cover the dress and the main wedding party. Engagement party and ring, wedding ring, transport, rehearsal dinner, honeymoon, etc. is usually on him.
My point is more that people are underestimating how much money goes into getting married. Taking a portion of that and handing it over in Bitcoin (rather than a big rock in the ring, for instance) would maybe be more sensible. There's a lot of "wealth signaling" that doesn't contribute to lasting wealth.
I’m so ok with eloping and putting money towards areas to help build a life with your spouse. My partner doesn’t have to spend 2 months salary on a ring. I’d rather make those decisions together. Honestly I’ve seen too many people go almost crazy with stress planning a wedding. I’d rather build and plan for a life than focus on one day.
On the other hand, I think a lot of this spending serves some concrete purpose, like a dowry-effect. It shows what the bride is worth, basically, and that the groom isn't a pauper. I think this is why my husband resisted my "let's just have a chili cookout in the backyard" idea. I sometimes appear so poor that it attracts men who think I'm unloved and being neglected.
I’ve had men tell me that they felt like the engagement ring is more of a signal to other men. I’ve seen engagement rings I wouldn’t wear swimming cause you’d just sink right to the bottom.
😂 Yeah. I originally said I didn't need one and he was like nope, you're getting one. And it did have a tangible, immediate effect on other men.