Actually yeah I sat down and tried to write a spec and I realized it's not gossip that will be preventative here.. it's just clients need to be more like nostrudel showing relay information when gossiping and show the users more information about read/write failures when they encounter relays with access control lists that follows have in their relay lists 🧠 LFG
yes, this is why i keep on hammering away at the NIP-42 problem also the activity log of nostrudel is a model that everyone should be following... coracle shows you this information briefly but there's no way to see it once you miss it and yes, paid relays could totally allow access to messages in which the matching pubkey appears without a subscription, this is kinda necessary i think