Hey Lyn, maybe this Aubrey Marcus podcast can be helpful. Despite your critical observations, you seem to be intrigued at the same time. I remember when I read the books in my teens, I kept on reading although I didn't even understand half of it, haha. It's gloomy, yes. But there's deep beauty woven in and somehow it can be a revealing spiritual experience. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DpZyiQIIHLI