Oddbean new post about | logout
 100%, and the most annoying part is the discourse surrounding the fact that people think it’s unreasonable and borderline abuse to not want your partner to watch it. like how did things get so muddled 
 Porn was (in my opinion) one of the major reasons why my first real relationship didn’t work out. It’s a really hard lesson to learn. In the moment, I didn’t understand how much it was affecting my confidence, self perception, and the overall dynamic of the relationship, but looking back it was a huge toxic factor.

Growing up with unfiltered access to the internet at 12 and being surrounded by male friends who are all doing the same things is very hard to overcome. I wish I had at the time. Many of the people in my age group still don’t even see the problem.

All I can hope to do is to protect my own future children and make sure that they aren’t exposed to the same stuff at that age. 
 you’re really strong for acknowledging how much it affected you and helping yourself heal. it shows how good you are as a person to realize that. a lot of people won’t ever even acknowledge how bad it is. 

i’ve had a lot of my male friends refuse to admit that it’s a problem for them, and it’s hard to see them go through that. and it’s hard because women want relationships with men, it’s just very hard in this modern age to have healthy relationships. 

and i’m so scared as kids are becoming younger and younger and getting exposed to it. 
 I appreciate the kind words. I hope your friends are at a minimum able to find a better balance in their lives. I have a few friends who are working through the battle themselves, and it’s a lot easier with a positive external influence that encourages you to succeed.

I’m hoping that the next generation will be better off than this one. Our parents were very underprepared and didn’t even understand the capabilities of the internet and the extent of the problem. My kids will not fall into the same traps I did, and that’s what progress should look like. 

I also think the fact that our money is broken and most families need both parents to work plays a role as well. Kids need to have parents which have the time and emotional capacity to watch over them closely and guide them to the right places. When all adults feel overworked and incapable of getting ahead, it’s no wonder the kids are getting into all kinds of terrible things.