Oddbean

it has been a hot minute since I last posted, 3 months ago. here's what's up with me: I'm pregnant 🥳 we'll be expecting a boy in March. it'll be my first. please let me know your baby advice, words of wisdom and lessons learned. I moved back to my home in the US and have been back to my homemaking and crafting. As much as I was comfortable in Taipei with the urban hustle and close family, I like being back in my suburban home where the nights are quiet and the supermarket deli can slice mild cheddar cheese off the block. so, what's up with you guys? what have I missed? #grownostr

Pocket Nanny - Baby Care Timer, Round The Clock Tracker Includes 4 Different Count up Reminders for Nursing Sleeping Changing & More to Check How Long It's Been- Soft Glow Nightlight for Babies, Kids https://a.co/d/iFbsn7A Itzbeen multi-timer. One tap button to keep track of when baby last pooped, ate, diaper, misc. great for handoffs. Can’t recommend it enough.

Wow, congrats! Huge! My advice: - It'll be fine - Don't buy a bunch of stuff, most will be not used anywhere near as much as you think - Enjoy it. Goes by fast! Missed? Everything. haha. #Nostrasia for one

oh wait, maybe it wasn't Nostrasia? someone took a pic of it at a conference they were at in Indonesia. https://image.nostr.build/f651a0438c034a5c0be8bc5d65af9f76791755054f53e36ada2b4db6ed8b0494.jpg

Get earplugs. Seriously. Anyway enjoy the early time periods. It seems to just keep getting busier and they need more attention. Baby time period you can control them a bit more. Lots of the baby gadgets are just money grabs. And as cliche as it is, time really does fly since they grow so fast.

I have maybe the “unpopular opinion” that time with a baby *slows down.* Even in memory. Our first baby is 1yo. Each day is so full, it feels impossible that the next will be just as full. And because each month, baby is so different, each month feels pressed with its own unique character. Also, be prepared for lots of media to hit different. “Children in danger” themes/scenes became harder to watch. Finding Nemo is now unwatchable for me. Idk maybe it will smooth out with time. I also found that baby forced us into a ruthless economy with time. I’ve never been so efficient at work.

Congrats!! I guess the first thing I’d offer is to consider doing a home birth with a midwife. Each time it was a beautiful and much more peaceful experience for all of us. If you are in a hospital at least have them delay cutting the cord until it stops pulsing, and avoid the ‘cascade of interventions’ as best you can (the Business of Being Born is a doc that’s well worth watching). I wish you good health and a smooth pregnancy!!

ten years ago me would have definitely wanted a home birth. it sounds so peaceful. I trust my doctor at the hospital though so I think it'll be a good experience nonetheless. I have so much reading up to do when it comes to the actual birth itself.

Congrats! Suggest reading ‘Herbal for the Childbearing Year’ by Susun Weed (yes, that’s her name :) Also, the Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff Sleep with baby in your bed the first year.. babies are programmed to relax when near your body and heartbeat. Nurse until they wean themselves, breast milk being the all time absolute best food/medicine Enjoy every second, even when deliriously exhausted, it really really flies by!!

Congratulations! You will feel as though you are doing everything wrong or have no idea what you're doing. This is not true. You will make mistakes for sure, this isn't a failure, learn from it. Do what works for the baby and yourself and ignore the "perfect parent" influencers. It's a hard slog, but probably the best thing you'll ever do, so enjoy it, be present in the moments, because they'll be a teenager before you know it.

Few personal positions : - no one can decide better than you as a parent, no matter what other say - children teaches us as much if not more than we teach them. Infancy was a school of life. Parenting is another one. - when having hard times with the little meat bag ( e.g : sick and doesn't sleep ), keep in mind that hhose moments will be gone soon enough to not appreciate it, even the hard ones - you will make mistakes, and that's Ok, it will be fine. - no screen as long as possible, play with him instead. It is time consuming but it is quality time that will have a strong impact on his development - congrats ! 🎉

Congrats! Some lessons from having 4 kids (some more subjective than others of course): - Home birth is awesome if you can find a good midwife. It was way easier and more pleasant for my wife than the hospital birth. - Breastfeeding is awesome, but make sure the baby is getting enough to eat by pumping/measuring periodically. If s/he isn't, goat milk is a good alternative (goat milk formula if you're worried about bacteria, goat milk quality varies) - Get copious amounts of rest in the first few weeks post partum. Mastitis can happen quickly, and you don't want it. Avoid stress! - post partum depression is common, don't get discouraged, and don't be afraid to talk about it. - Medical advice on front/back sleeping changes all the time. Don't worry about it, and don't be afraid to co-sleep. IMHO SIDS is probably more related to vaccines. Your baby doesn't need them all right away, a delayed schedule and skipping some is perfectly reasonable. DYOR on vaccines. I hope it all goes smoothly! Enjoy that baby.

Congratulations. Being a mother is wonderful. Breast feeding is healthiest for you and your baby and is more convenient (if you are home with the baby). It also saves in an emergency. I flew once with my first son and we missed the connecting flight home. Since I was breast feeding, I had all the milk he needed. If I'd been feeding him with a bottle I'd have been dragging a baby in a cab to stores near midnight trying to get formula. Teaching your baby to sleep without your help and even if there are noises will help life get back to normal and serve your child well. I recommend the book "Baby Wise" for more details. The basics are feed on a schedule. Feed your baby when you wake him up and not to get him to sleep. We were replacing the driveway and front porch of our house that had sunk when I brought home my first. We had ground compactors pounding for the first couple of days, and he learned to sleep through all of it. Remember that babies and young kids are tougher than you can imagine. I've had mine dive off the couch onto their face and try to roll off a changing table and they were all fine. Be careful, but don't worry. There are 2 theories on keeping a baby well. One is to protect the baby from all germs. The other is to expose their immune system to lots of germs and pets to train their immune system to recognize pathogens and self. Studies have shown that being around pets (and therefore germs) reduces the incidence of allergies & asthma. I went with the latter and my son's only fever in his first 5 years was caused by a vaccine. I researched vaccines on conventional sites, but with a holistic view. I decided on my first son to only give him the dTap vaccine and not till 1 years old. He only got 2 instead of the normal 5/6 . I did that one because I was afraid of tetanus which can be deadly, but I've since learned that tetanus is anaerobic and if you get a puncture wound to bleed and get peroxide into the wound, it isn't much of a risk. His only illness in his first 5 years were due to the vaccine. If I had it to do over again, I'd not give him any. I'd argue that zero vaccines is best, but at minimum, skip the vaccines at 2 & 4 months when the babies immune system isn't developed enough to respond well and when the dose/weight is higher. If you do your research, the danger of the vaccines is higher than the danger of the illness. I had the educated guess that the adjuvants in vaccines were causing the huge increase in allergies and autoimmune diseases. I later read an article and the same form of aluminum used in vaccines is used in animal studies to cause autoimmunity for autoimmunity studies. Once your child gets older, I believe nothing is better for your child than homeschooling. Before kids I though I'd homeschool in elementary and maybe middle school and send them to high school to transition to the real world. I've since changed my mind. Both of my kids were in public school for part or all of elementary school (but I live in a very conservative area with less indoctrination and there is less in the early years to begin with). I pulled my eldest out in 3rd grade and homeschooled him through highschool. He is now in college in the honors program with tuition paid based on his 35/36 ACT score. I pulled my younger son, who has Down Syndrome, later because he was harder to school and because he was taught by people I knew and trusted. He is making better progress now that I am homeschooling him. Babies don't understand things like falling off a height. Find opportunities for your kid to fail and fall where the consequences are minor, so they can learn without severe consequences. So often people protect a baby from any place they can fall even 6 inches and they don't learn to be careful around heights. This same principle exists when they get older with real life lessons such as being honest, being a good friend, being responsible, etc.

We have a high bed. As soon as the baby is old enough to crawl, Instead of keeping him from falling off, I let them fall off and catch them. I do the feigned scared overreaction so they get nervous while they're falling. They catch on pretty quick.

Congratulations! I really wanted to avoid the hospital, and especially wanted a home birth. I also was dead set against being induced. Unfortunately, all of this didn’t end up being an option for me, and I was very concerned (ok, honestly, I was scared) about what hospital birth and induction was going to be like. The cascade of interventions and all the negative consequences was top of mind for me. I actually ended up with an amazing team of people, between my doula (who is also a labor and delivery nurse at a different hospital), obgyn on rotation, and several nurses at the hospital, who understood my perspective and desires and worked with me extremely well. Their knowledge and patience may not have kept me from going on Pitocin, but did ultimately keep me from having a C-section where many other hospitals would have left that as the only option. This is not what I expected from a hospital birth, and I didn’t even need to fight tooth and nail for it. I do believe this would vary by hospital, though, so it’s good to look into your options there. My whole pregnancy, I worked to balance my distrust of many incentives and practices of the medical industry and what I’ve heard about better outcomes with alternative practices against my understanding that those working in the industry really do have valuable knowledge I am just not going to be able to gather online, and the recognition that I’m not a professional and that really does mean something. It’s the same struggle faced every day between humility and self confidence, between respecting and questioning experts, and between seeking help and carrying your own burdens. There’s need to find a balance of both. In light of what my situation was, I’m satisfied with how things went, and in just a few hours my healthy, growing, amazing daughter who is snoozing adorably next to me will be six days old. That’s the most important thing! I wish you the best and I’m so excited for you 😁

thanks for sharing your thoughts on getting that balance between "do your own research, don't trust docs" and "trust docs no matter what" it's been eye opening to read everyone's stories. I'm looking forward to adding mine to the pile

Congratulations! I'm a new mom too and it's been a RIDE! If you're planning on a natural birth (recommended, as recovery is much faster than c section), I'd recommend reading "Nurture" by Erica Chidi Cohen. But I'd say try and read more books about child development rather than the birth — it seemed scary to me so I spent most of the pregnancy reading about a dozen books on the birth but honestly it's usually over pretty quickly, and then you have a helpless little human on your hands, and it'll make you feel a bit helpless too! I would have liked to be armed with more info beforehand. If breastfeeding (also recommended - I see ppl have mentioned it above already), watch out for when your milk "comes in" (day 3-5 ish postpartum). It comes in FAST and you'll do well to be prepared in order to avoid a lot of discomfort or even worse, mastitis. For me, warm compresses and two Haakaas to help drain the milk was essential, as well as constant firm (but gentle) massage of the general chest area. Breastmilk is also great applied to baby's skin for just about any skin issue they have, so save every bit you can! The early days are brutal, as your hormones change dramatically. Give yourself plenty of grace, have a "team" in place to support you emotionally and physically (food, hydration, extra hands for baby and anything else) and remember always to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others, and yes, that includes your child! Good luck, excited for you!

thanks for the recommendations! I'm hoping for a vaginal birth too. the idea of having to get cut open to retrieve my child is scary. I haven't read that many birthing or pregnancy books. most of my reads have been child development. A book that was recommended to me that I really liked was Your Self Confident Baby by Magda Gerber. followed you! :)

Thanks! I quite like Good Inside by Becky Kennedy as well. One more thought about breastfeeding, one of the best comments I've heard on it is: "it's natural, but it doesn't come naturally" — most new moms I know have had a hard time. Try and find a good lactation consultant or postpartum doula to come check in on you after you come out of the hospital, I'd say 2-3 times for the first week or so would be ideal, and then prob just as needed after!