Oddbean

I've had a similar outcome as mandrik, but with a somewhat different context. It's something I still think about a lot. When I was an engineer/manager, I worked in person, and had a great social group there. After I left it, I became inherently remote-work based in my home office, which has a lot of advantages but also some social isolation-related challenges. I then gradually drifted away from work-friends I knew for a decade. Between work and family, we just gradually could barely find time for a group lunch anymore. Actually it was more on their side than mine; they have longer commutes, children, etc. And my US family is small and dispersed around the country. So aside from my husband, a lot of my social interaction is online and at events within the past few post-covid years. The big exception is the part of the year I spend in Egypt, where I am surrounded by in-person family and friends every day, but have less overall productivity (bad internet for starters, problematic time zone, plus it's also vacation time and social time). And the most notable part of each year is when I come back to the US first to take care of things here, and my husband is still in Egypt for another month to finish taking care of things there, where I risk turning into a solo cat lady. So that makes me really focus on genuine internet dynamics, treating people online similarly to how I treat them in real life, building real connections there, going to events to meet my "tribe" despite the travel hassle, etc. It also has prioritized having children to me recently. I've been focusing on work, focusing on elder care, etc. Due to my starting point, I have been in the position of having to support a parent and then in-laws since my 20s, while also being a workaholic to reach the positions I've gotten to. For years I was simply too busy for anything else, but increasingly the next generation is an element of life I think about a lot. nostr:note19mw0jrl49tl3zmrketchgm3kfluc96na26k5p4yk7tvg95eya23sazn0c7

I have found myself in a similar situation. It’s hard staying interested when talk remains so shallow. I’ve made efforts to stay connected with old friends, but the people I feel most comfortable talking to are the new ones I’ve made. I got this fortune yesterday and it made me think twice. https://m.primal.net/Jkji.jpg

As you grow older, your circle of friends shrinks naturally, between your busy life, your schedule, your priorities, and how you become so selective in your relationships. I think if you still have 2 or 3 genuine friendships in your 30s or 40s then you are very lucky.

I find this kind of sad, because people live til their 80's or 90's. Imagine for 50 years of your life, you only have two friends ever. Kind of a bizarre concept, but we all say it, why is this the case?

Because we don’t put in enough effort to maintain those friendships. The society is also selling us constantly the idea that you can be self sufficient, that you don’t have to depend on anything or anyone even friends. Aside from that a lot of the people we meet are not our friends, they are just people we called friends because we had common interests and circumstances, so when those interested fade away, or those circumstances change, those friendships die slowly. (Sorry for the long answer)

I saw your note 🫂That’s good thing to do once in a while. There is a 50% chance that nothing is real 😂 https://www.ign.com/articles/theres-a-50-50-chance-we-really-are-living-in-a-simulation-scientists-say

It is a pleasure engaging in this discussion. it’s one of the topics I thought of, I’m always asking myself how is it that my friendships are decreasing over time. So the answer I gave is the answer I found after that self-reflection. One of the other reasons also is ego, sometimes we are too proud to discuss with our friends what is it that they did and that bothered us we expect them to understand naturally.

food for thought. my own self-reflection, i hung out with the wrong people, because i didn't know myself that well. This that common interest and circumstances ring true. I think I am questioning what is real, maybe it's because I am being real for the first time these last couple of years. I have built such a strong inner core, and now I see everything as wrong, not bad (some things are), but not on my alignment. Yeah, I guess about the ego part is how do we come to terms with our inner core and accept the situations for what they are and be an open space for unique personalities to express while setting healthy boundaries. Did we get this ego class in elementary school? It's funny, i feel more awake. When I was younger I felt I was just drifting thought life. I accepted the fabrications or the stories, I didn't question it, and now I see it for what it is. That's a challenge. (Sorry I am rambling. I am going to be heading to bed in a few, ty very much)

To keep in context, I am 55 and have had friend groups morph and change for my whole 35 years of adult life. Some due to career shifts. Some due to international moves. But most due to the gravitational shift in any parents’ lives around their children. This didn’t start with Covid. Enjoy the beauty of these opportunities for growth and renewal 💓🌳🦋

Totally understand where you are coming from. I’ve had a similar experience. What I’ve learned over the years that most work friends are shallow and don’t really mean much. Most of the time people are looking to make friends so they can network and advance their career. Since leaving my job and working for myself, those connections have evaporated but I’m ok with that. The only thing true in life is family. Highly recommend having kids! Such a joy and a blessing to be honest. Couldn’t imagine my life without them. You would be a great mother!