Sure, but meanwhile, people need to take responsibility for their lists. Most don't. They just adds a bunch to shit and expect things to magically work.
this is client side stuff tho, your app can be a little less dumb about writing those events in this case
No, we can't. Either the sender of events MUST connect to 20 relays so that all 20 have the same info and receivers then don't need to connect to all 20 OR The sender just sends to ONE relay and receivers must connect to all 20 to get all events. There is no "smart" way around this. That's why keeping the list small is EXTREMELY important.
then you might need to make some suggestions in the nips repo about nip-65 that there be a cap on this for these reasons clients can then refuse to set more than this number, or crop them, and other clients will have to follow suit to help their users
i have 4, i think that's reasonable... two i pay for, 1 i host and one i manage from a hosting provider... i'd say probably the spec should stipulate "no more than 5" there's really no benefit from allowing more than 5 for in/outboxes 3 is probably enough for most cases but 5 is complete, you can't argue you need more redundancy than that
Well that view won't help users to onboard here.
Correct. But you won't be truly free until you fully control your relay lists.