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 You're being fed synthetic discussions to keep the appearance that your leaders are in control of the situation and all they'd need to do is to "unchain" their proxies with a pen stroke. 
To rationalize you come up with conspiratorial tales of your leaders actually not wanting to destroy Russia but in secret having other obscure "plans". 
Your ego is tied to the ability of your nation state being able to impose its will on other people and and it's doing everything to avoid an existential crisis. 
The architects of this conflict are fully aware of this and they are using it to keep you at bay. 

Keep trusting the plan.  
 tell me son, if US wanted to win - why are they sending money and weapons now instead of when the war started ?

what was the point of waiting until the last moment to send help ?

or do you also believe that Biden really "forgot" $40 billion of weapons in Afghanistan and it wasn't deliberately left there ? 
 in addition, Putin is ALSO not trying to win the war.  he is trying to pressure Ukraine to accept his terms at negotiating table.

your idea that the objective of a war is to "win" comes from watching too much football.

unplug your TV. 
 What Putin is doing is that he's waiting for the collapse of the AFU so that he can walk through Ukraine without bombing the cities. That's the point of attritional warfare. When the Russians talk about "being open for negotiations" they mean unconditional surrender of their counterpart.  
 well i agree with you on one thing - Putin is certainly not willing to take Kiev by force - he had multiple opportunities to do that - but he doesn't want to go down in history for doing to Kiev what Netanyahu is doing to Gaza 

because Netanyahu will simply get his Jews to re-write history, while Putin doesn't quite have the power to do that  
 What are you talking about? The state department was sending arms, intelligence and money for more than ten years. They've also been training their troops fot at least as long. 
They've just started doing it overtly after the war began. 
The entire frontline has become a graveyard for western tech. 
You have to come to terms with the fact that your country is simply being run by imbeciles.