Somebody told me years ago that a good marriage is similar to a ship, with a captain and a first mate.  Ultimate authority (and responsibility) rests on the captain, and the first mate has agency but still answers to the captain.  The two need to work together and understand their role.  A good captain values the input from his first mate, and disagreements can happen, but the final decision is always his.  

I have no idea if this is actually in line with how ship's crews actually work but it sounds good.

I can tell you from the experience of being divorced, if you, the husband, are not the leader, your marriage is probably going to fail.  I made this mistake when I was into libertarian nonsense, and it doesn't work. 

 I've always thought of it as an Officer - NCO relationship like you're describing. The officer takes his nco's advisement into consideration but ultimate authority and responsibly lies with the officer. 
If the officer takes his nco's advice and it goes poorly, the officer doesn't get to say "sgt so and so told me to do it, it's not my fault".