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 @🥀 You should take some LSD or magic mushrooms and meditate while high. But do so in a quiet place without distraction. That really helped me to get my neurosis under control. And please don't make the same mistake I made and do it with some friends that already did it and "totally know what we should do". That is just annoying. 
 @9a3723e3 I can arrange LSD through active contacts. Seriously. I don't want to get addicted. How addictive is LSD? Will I be able to stop after enjoying it a "few" times? I've already suffered greatly under porn addiction 

I'm completely clean. No smoking, any sort of drinks, or whatever else 
 @9a3723e3 I would like to try some and meditate. 

I would try it alone but probably for first time I would take 1/3 or 1/2 of normal dose. To see how my body would react to it. 

Because I heard some people had worse anxiety or panic attack for the first time.

But it would be good to have someone that could watch over me. So I would not do something stupid.

I do not know even where to get something to buy.

Would try to find somewhere on the internet for science or collecting purpose.