Its not defeatist, it's acknowledging the reality of technical trade-offs. Scaling requires work, not wishful thinking. In the 4th year of the web they dropped everything to prioritize a scalaing architecture. It worked. Nostr is in year 4 and has no equivalent scaling architeccture. Relays are not designed as long-term storage, they are designed to relay notes from one user to another. In that regard, it works well. Use the right tool for the right job. Acknlowedge that there are technical trade-offs.
“Relays are not designed…” There’s no reason you couldn’t specialized in storing data for the long haul. If there is demand, services will spring up. We don’t have an architecture scaling problem at the moment, we have demand problem but its not a nostr issue rather than a unique experience issue which can and will be resolved. There’s a lot of value in what nostr provides from censorship perspective, walled garden breakdown and not needing to be responsible for takedowns. I’d say everything is looking up given the “hobbyist” nature of this protocol. If scaling becomes an issue; the market will solve it. I can’t agree with much of anything you’ve said.