Its not defeatist, it's acknowledging the reality of technical trade-offs.  Scaling requires work, not wishful thinking.  In the 4th year of the web they dropped everything to prioritize a scalaing architecture.  It worked.  Nostr is in year 4 and has no equivalent scaling architeccture.  Relays are not designed as long-term storage, they are designed to relay notes from one user to another.  In that regard, it works well.  Use the right tool for the right job.  Acknlowedge that there are technical trade-offs.