-Unlimited supply
A known and constant tail emission is not "unlimited supply"

-Constant hard forks
Hard forks are not "constant." Monero forks in new features when they are ready.
There has never been a contentious fork.

- Less secure
This really is a matter of perspective.
Bitcoin could be "less secure" because people can see you use it.
But its true the amount of energy protecting the Monero chain is VASTLY smaller.

- Less scalable
Monero txs are indeed larger and the chain grows faster. However L2s are also possible on Monero if its ever a problem.

- Offers little to none actual privacy benefits
This is just straight up false.
Monero protects the sender, receiver and amount in an *extremely* secure way while still providing a good user experience.
You can literally download a wallet and send to an address and have good privacy guarantees.

Anything else? 

 bitcoin has unlimited supply if you have unlimited time to find a SHA256 hash collision. see, I can say retarded things too!