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 If you compare it to Bitcoin, it's definitely a shitcoin.

- Unlimited supply
- Constant hard forks
- Less secure
- Less scalable
- Offers little to none actual privacy benefits 
 -Unlimited supply
A known and constant tail emission is not "unlimited supply"

-Constant hard forks
Hard forks are not "constant." Monero forks in new features when they are ready.
There has never been a contentious fork.

- Less secure
This really is a matter of perspective.
Bitcoin could be "less secure" because people can see you use it.
But its true the amount of energy protecting the Monero chain is VASTLY smaller.

- Less scalable
Monero txs are indeed larger and the chain grows faster. However L2s are also possible on Monero if its ever a problem.

- Offers little to none actual privacy benefits
This is just straight up false.
Monero protects the sender, receiver and amount in an *extremely* secure way while still providing a good user experience.
You can literally download a wallet and send to an address and have good privacy guarantees.

Anything else? 
 bitcoin has unlimited supply if you have unlimited time to find a SHA256 hash collision. see, I can say retarded things too! 
 All of these have counter arguments, but that last one is just dishonest

Amounts and addresses are completely hidden 
(not merely obfusctated like the optional rube goldberg workarounds for Bitcoin "privacy")

How is that "little to none actual privacy benefits"?