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 Never give up if you haven't found what you're looking for.  A gentleman gave me this advice. 

Obviously, avoiding KYC is very difficult right now. 
 I mean, I definitely don't want to give up on it, but it's taking up time and frustrating me in ways that I can't get around, which I definitely don't need in my life right now haha. Hopefully I'll figure something out but right now, it's looking like there aren't going to be any ways for me to buy it without KYC and the other non-KYC methods don't seem to work for me. I do plan to give Bisq another try someday but if it doesn't work, I'm basically out of options until something new comes up. 
 You're right, and I'm already cheering you on for the effort you've made. 
 https://github.com/retoaccess1/haveno-reto 
 I've tried so many of these sorts of DEXes but they always have at least one flaw that makes it unviable for me:

- Payment methods too risky or won't work for me
- All offers expect hefty lump sum, making it hard for people who can't afford a large risk
- Any offers that *would* work seem to run KYC themselves
- The DEX requires a small down payment of BTC/XMR, which I can't get unless I get it KYC-free

That's the reason I'm on the verge of giving up. Gets pretty old when you try and try again, only to constantly run into the same or similar issues everywhere.