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 No one is forcing anyone to connect to 20+ relays. If your client implements this behaviour and you dont like it than move to another client. 
 If you have 20+ relays, and clients don't connect to 20+ relays to send, the clients that are trying to see things need to connect to all 20 relays to get everything from that user. 

One side must always connect to 20 or a LOT of things will be missing.

Which is extremely DUMB. Just reduce the amount of relays.  
 Yeah the receiver wants to connect to 20 relays so just let him. The followers shouldn't do it.

Yes having too many relays is dumb. Which clients allow us to add so many?