There's gradients in stoicism that have been devalued for convenience during its most recent spell of popularity. The concentric circles of self, family, friends, community, etc apply every aspect of how we engage with the world around us, including how we are viewed by the people who inhabit those circles.
 
We choose who we are and where we place ourselves within others' gradients. We build our families & friendships, find mentors and aspirations, provide value through work & knowledge all based on where people are willing to place themselves within our 'graphs', aka what people think of us. Obviously there's some mutual agreement in there, as proximity gets closer 😅
 
...anyway, that's my long(ish) version of agreeing with you. 

 Agreed, stoicism is much more than being stoical. 

 I suppose any half applied philosophy  suffers the same half results.