On the inbox side, if you keep relays that restrict who can post, like the wot ones, you will only get notifications from people they allow.
ok that makes sense. So you would you say that having more popular relays there rather than more restricted/private/paid ones is actually a better choice? I'm thinking damus, nostr.band, snort (for example).
No need to be large relays on inbox. They just need to be open for people to post otherwise you are not going to receive it. You can either pay for them to post or use a free relay.