Oddbean

When I was young man I had a mentor who I asked why some people totally fail at keeping their word or commitments. His response was: “The hard truth is that most people are going to let you down in life. Most people can hardly commit to their own word to themselves, nonetheless anyone else. Don’t expect too much of other people, or you’ll spend most of your life angry and upset at people who were always incapable of keeping their word. Focus on those who you notice always try to keep their word and live with integrity—they might let you down too, but they’ll at least own it.” I think about this a lot, and now that I’ve accumulated more life experiences, it’s a hard truth that I’m only fully coming to understand now.

Much respect. Hardest thing to accept is other people's failure as a reflection or indictment of personal character. My heroes do not define me. My actions define my character and need for improvement. XOXO

Wise advice. The only thing I'd add is that it's probably not in your best interests to judge those who are loose with their word. Notice it & remember it but try not to judge them for it. This is the distinction between discernment & judgement. We're all on a journey & we don't know why people act the way that they act. We just can't make that assumption & doing so doesn't help us on our own journey. It also doesn't mean that you should trust them with anything significant either.

Many a time when I was in dire straits the people who helped me I did not know beforehand and I never heard from them again. Did not even ask their name in some cases. I was saved from drowning twice. Once in a pool when I was 6 and once in the ocean when I was 17. An old man and his wife jumped my vehicle when it died and I was with my wife and our baby. Once I was travelling long distance and my vehicle broke down, I had my family with me. I was towed 40 kilometers by a guy and his brother in law given place to stay for almost a week while they had my vehicle repaired. I know their names and am still in contact with them. A guy I did not know paid my vets bills for my dog's broken leg after he ran under my car. I could mention a lot of other events. I made a lot of mistakes in my teenage years and cost people a lot in emotional and economic damage. The point is that I have helped other people in need when I was in a position to assist them and they owe me nothing because I am indebted to others who required nothing from me in return. Many of us are just good Samaritans who also get beat up every once in a while. It keeps you humble.

There are good people out there. My husband had a blow out of 2 tires, while pulling a heavily loaded trailer. Where this happened a stranger pulled him out of the ditch, a neighbor close by gave him 2 trailer tires and saw him on his way. There are still a lot of good Samaritans among us.

Keeping your word is good for your mental health. You give pure signal and people who shrink away from honesty will avoid a speaker of truth. Which helps you too. People who are honest also piss people off who are not.

Agree with the underlying trait being constant in most people. But rather than lower expectations I would rather just have a smaller circle of reliable people and just accept that’s the better tradeoff than a large group of duds.