My fellow Americans, sorry I wasn't able to cheat you all out of another election. I know the American public didn't actually nominate me. We just got caught again this time. Couldn't printbup enough fake ballots without people noticing either. 

I'm going back to my real passion and called my old boss Slickback. Got my old job back too. If y'all want me I'm available for $100 bucks an hour. Anything goes. You can find me during office hours at the red light with grafitti of a dildo on main street in downtown San Fransisco after 10pm.