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Ockam indeed appears to be quite close to what I need.
But it seems to need an external orchestrator, and I couldn't quickly determine whether it can provide UDP like real time connections. 
 @9e40c531 Yeah, I've started to dig in to it a couple of times, but have always got caught against that coordinator bit. I'm pretty sure you can run your own coordinator, but the documentation is all written to use theirs (I imagine using their coordinator is part of their revenue structure).