Oddbean new post about login | logout There have been a handful of times in my life, maybe four or five or so, where I was walking in a dark parking garage or similar venue alone in a city at night, and came across a sketchy-looking dude that was looking at me weird or otherwise triggered my confrontational intuition based on his vibe, clothing, and/or body language. And each time I kept it cool on the surface, looked at him confidently, but kind of subtlety clenched my fists and was internally amping myself up with uncontrollable adrenaline like, “You want to fucking go dude?” and began running through mental routines of how to drop him based on certain approaches, or what if he has a knife and how to focus on that, etc. To this day, I don’t know what percentage of them were intending to be a problem. Maybe none. Maybe one or two out of five. I think at least some of them probably triggered defensive instincts in me for a reason; those aren’t there for no reason. Some aspect of them seemed acutely out of place or overly intentional, etc. Studies generally suggest that attackers pick out less confident looking people. Easy targets. They use their instincts too. Part of me wonders if any of them might have tried something if I slumped my shoulders and tried to walk quicker to my car rather than look straight at them and and basically amp myself up while also acting like nothing was happening. Some vibe of me was present for their instincts too. But perhaps more importantly, I wonder what it feels like to be totally afraid there. To have no defenses, no answer. It happens to people all the time. You’re in a parking lot or garage and there is a sketchy dude or a few drunk guys. You get on a small elevator with a guy and it is you and him and he’s 80 pounds heavier. My father put me in martial arts so that I wouldn’t face a scenario with no answers. While I might feel adrenaline or concern, I never feel powerless. I immediately start running through options. I wonder what people feel like in these situations if they have literally never had a fight in their lives. Like, I might or might not win in this scenario, but either way it’ll be absolutely vicious if it gets down to it. I can’t imagine having no answer. Or the doorbell rings at 9pm while my husband is on travel. 95% of me like “probably a neighbor” and the other 5% of me is looking out the window and clenching my fists slightly and running through those same routines and thinking about the closest knife location in case this gets weird. I think that is an important aspect to teach people. Everyone should have basic defense training. Not everyone is going to have extensive combat training, but everyone can have some basics to boost their chances by either improving their vibes to avoid being targeted or having some basic starting points of what to do if attacked, since some actions like yelling and having a handful of moves to get away from a grab or hit someone back or otherwise make someone realize that it’s not worth it. It’s the same as having basic cooking skills, basic repair skills, how to change a tire, etc. you just have to know a few things.
Have had exactly the same process (though it’s a bit different for a man), but even so, when there are several sketchy looking dudes on a dark street, you’re at a disadvantage should they come after you. Have a similar process when boarding a flight with a bag I know they want me to check. “I own this plane, I’m your boss, I’m the person you will get in trouble for asking to check his bag.” Impossible to say how much of a difference it’s made, but I definitely walk right by them more often than not, while other people are getting their bags tagged (and required to wait at baggage claim.)
I practice this too sometimes when I sense there’s an unbalance in power and I don’t trust whoever is on the other side of it. I think a lot of people do, consciously or subconsciously.
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I am proud of you - that you do not play victim from the start and rather show your conviction to defend yourself. I know what are you experiencing. I do sometimes thise routines as well even as a man. It happens that I also bumb into some strange guys and I also let them know with my body language that I am willing to chew their balls off if need be. It just works. I wonder what will happen that one time when it will fail.
The “weird looking dude” paranoia is at the basis of the collapse of western society.
I think it’s justified in many cases. Too many mentally ill out there compelled enough to assault or mug people. Do you think the paranoia is not justified?
Of course there are dangerous men out there. As there are dangerous women too. The attention is all on male toxicity because its easier to detect (physical violence) than “female” violence (psychological/emotional). That doesn’t mean is less prevalent or is less harmful. My problem is with the western retoric that all world problems are men fault and that women are the solution. It creates a social bias towards feminine toxicity and, in fact, our “feminized”, or better said, “emasculated” world nowadays is waaaay more disfunctional and unjust than it was before this anti-male mania started circa 20 years ago. The point you make about mental health issues is valid for both sexes too. I can make examples if you want. And also I want to make very clear that I am far from being sexist or “anti female”… in fact I am so much for equality that I believe in an equal division of guilt between sexes 😊I know Lyn’s point had less to do with this, and more with learning to defend yourself. I am 100% with her on this. I am just pointing out the wording she used, that is also the wording most people nowadays uses. In any case I am glad a sort of discussion is starting from my answer. Thanks for engaging!
I appreciate your civil and thoughtful response. The rare optimist in me wants to offer that the western rhetoric you mentioned mostly exists online and within click-bait media. I hope and mostly believe that outside of those 2 categories, a majority of people are rational and reasonable when you talk to them face to face 1 on 1. They understand and will admit that men are not the source of all problems. They would say women cause problems and men can fix problems too. But I do agree that the rhetoric has spread too far and naive people start to believe it without verifying.
vibes are definitely a thing. an old girlfriend of mine said the same, that if you look strong and ready they pass over you. one of my friends had some assholes go to do a road rage at him while he was riding and he threw down his bike and started striding towards them like he was gonna give them a good ol glasgow handshake and they closed their car door and sped off faster than you can say boo. it's best to be ready on a false alarm than let a bad mood project vulnerability and you lose that extra 2-3 seconds lead time you need if you are gonna run.
I've been in similar situations, but in the opposite role, and this is probably because of my size, so I never miss to give strangers a reassuring smile when I notice they get nervous... It always works. 😅 On a related note, I've always thought that one of the things martial artists are exceptional at is de-escalation. Would explain why they rarely (?) get into useless fights...
Yeah, same. I'm pretty big even for The Netherlands, do martial arts. And I look like a serial killer and mostly get attention from gay guys… so there ya go 🫤 Maybe too much info. I see women tighten up in the situations Lyn mentioned. For me it's just we end up on the same sketchy street at the same moment and I'm like "Awww, this sucks. How can I make this less threatening?" but there's nothing I can think of.
It is true that I think it is vital to have some basic skills to go through life. Things like self-defense, first aid, swimming, economics and others. They are discarded by the great part of the population. And maybe they will come to think about it after an event on the subject. And only maybe
Respect instincts. An excellent book on it. https://i.nostr.build/WyvD.jpg
Once I had a really profound experience with magic mushrooms. Some might call it a mystical experience. I received many teachings on that trip and for me it felt that the main message was: "if you don't havr fear, nothing bad can happen". Been living with mindset since. Have been hitchhiking alone through Europe and travelled to noethern California to trim weed in Humboldt county. A lot could happen during this kind of trips, but really nothing bad happened and I believe its also because I kept my cool.
nostr:note109mrtllqcsak2zfycu8hvvlwtjz63f4al8avs4n9z07jzvr3puwshs2rem Layan post lyn alden jugak best haha.
unless you're a heavyweight UFC fighter you should carry a gun. and even if you are you should still carry a gun. knife as backup.
you should've blown them a kiss instead. lol
I found myself in a near violent confrontation for the first time in years just the other day. I'm too old for that shit now. They both disappeared after throwing down lots of threats etc.. very unpleasant. That said, it could have been worse. Act like prey, get treated like prey. Act like the hunter and get treated like the hunter.
Well said Lyn. Knowledge is power. What I know now is that we are being attacked on every level. I've studied Natural Health and healing for 50 plus years. We are never contagious. All the BS around a virus is a lie. 150 years of failed transmission attempts verify this fact. Never be afraid of someone that is expressing a healing reaction to the toxins that they have been exposed to. One of my Mentors has written a great book, "The Contagion Myth" https://contagionmyth.com Here is a link on Twitter by Jamie providing ample evidence of the fraud. https://x.com/JamieAA_Again/status/1632750105966043139?s=20 Fortunately, millions are waking up to all of the attacks. Attacks on our freedom, money, food and energy! Virus Hoax Climate Hoax Conflict Hoax Endless Wars... etc https://contagionhoax.com The money is broken The health system is broken The food is tampered and contaminate All planned! Best of being free and aware, https://twitter.com/imektin
Any competition videos you'd be willing to share? Would love to see one you are proud of!
As a female, when walking alone in a sketchy place, would have a key clenched through my fist ready to go for an eye. Always made eye contact and sometimes slight smile or nod.
Pretty sure your first is weaker with a key between your fingers.
Goal wasn’t to land a good punch, but to go for weaknesses to stun so I could get away to somewhere safe. Luckily never had to see if it worked 😂 I’ve been able to diffuse dangerous situations with words, body language, & sometimes help from others; not strength.
In situations like this, I'm glad this country allows guns, especially if all you did as a kid was ballet and music. And in a situation when you have to save your man, it also expands your possibilities. Love is the Key 🔑 https://m.primal.net/HQTw.jpg
