Oddbean new post about login | logout Sorry to hear so many stories of therapy not being beneficial. Like so many professions though, not all therapists are created equal. If the fit isn’t right or you aren’t benefitting don’t be afraid to try another therapist. Fit is very important.
That can be traumatizing. After an abusive relationship with my first & only bf (at the time) I was suicidal and not processing the breakup well. My parents found me a therapist whom I loved. She passed away unexpectedly so I went to another one that my insurance would cover she wasn’t a good fit. I tried two that my university provided. They weren’t a good fit. I cycled through 3 more before my final one. I love love loved her. She was outside of our insurance so I guilted my mom into paying out of pocket knowing she couldn’t really afford it. I went to her 3x a week for two years until my mom died. By that time I thought she and I were close. She told me I could count on her to help me get through the transition as well as give me tools to handle family turmoil that comes along with funerals… Randomly, her assistant was late from his lunch. I was there with photo evidence that I sent to her but it was the assistants word against mine. He said he saw me leaving the parking lot as he was pulling in so I would be billed. I was told I wasn’t welcome back unless I paid for the session I “missed”. She knew I had the money so she wasn’t going to budge on that. Pay up or stay away was the sentiment. I felt thrown away, unworthy, and guilty for making my mom afford her. 6 months later, my therapist was a celebrity counselor with a full schedule and reoccurring role on a reality tv show. 7 therapist in 3.5 years made me shutdown and not really want to open up and go through all that mess again. Turned out to be a good thing because I stopped seeking advice from man and went to my Bible. It was really hard but I solely relied on my faith. My prayers were answered and my life made better. I don’t discount the good therapy does for others but I’ve been through enough to know that it’s an aide and not a permanent solution. She gave me tools that I use today but idk if all that was worth some breathing exercises and a safety plan.
Thanks for sharing your experience…I can only imagine what therapy itself being traumatic is like. Therapeutic abandonment should not happen and it seems that is what you were left with by that particular therapist/clinic.
It was a crazy time ngl. I was 23, alone, and misunderstood. It’s beautiful though because I learned my own strength. I was forced to ignore what I thought about myself and believe what my creator said about me. I was able to accomplish so much and it was all by the grace of GOD. I forgave her and myself for being selfish. I wasn’t the only one in the world who was suffering. Everyday became a blessing. I’m grateful for that time in my life because it made me more compassionate to others and a more reliable friend.
I decided not to finish my supervised practise after reading a book on pastoral care. Which is the same thing as psychotherapy, but with a completely different (and better) ideological frame, incentive structure, and interpersonal relationship model. There ARE good therapists, but most are insincere enablers and flatterers who cultivate co-dependency and weakness. This isn't an individual problem, it is structural.
So true! It took a lot of work to break free of the co-dependence. I don’t try to discourage people from therapy but I also avoid advocating for it. I let people know that I love them, try to be there if needed, and I pray daily for people who are struggling. I hope they’ll be led to whatever will bring them peace. I think that’s what humans are really seeking in their brokenness — love and peace.
Interesting thoughts and perspective. I’ve been in the field for 25 years and find most of my colleagues entered the field for “the right reasons”. Structurally, training could be better for many therapists. Most issues of client harm are due to a lack of proper training/expertise from my experience, but therapists are human too and are not immune to following misaligned incentives. Just my 2 sats
100%. Another aspect, that practioners often talk about but the general public does not, is that while many clients come seeking love and acceptance (like our dear nostr:nprofile1qqs0wwqvz8m2grrks8fxv8hkqxunqkv3zsdkhaz66uzctkju6hr4maqpzemhxue69uhhyetvv9ujumn0wd68ytnzv9hxgqgjwaehxw309ac82unsd3jhqct89ejhxqg4waehxw309a6xjemn9ehx7um5wgcjucm0d54tmv7f), others are after social status, or power over other people in their lives through a diagnosis. Very hard to fix someone who is determined to become more broken. And is valorised by our culture for it. I do think many of the darker trends in the modern West are second-order ramifications of the interplay between the misaligned incentives of clients and those of therapists. People do need more love and acceptance in their lives, but many also need to take the "men will do anything to avoid therapy" meme and play it backwards.
This is really interesting and more people should talk about it. People have different incentives for why they go. I hadn’t really thought about people who weaponize their diagnosis or use therapy as a status symbol. I know so many people like that. I typically just roll my eyes but when I think about it an anti therapy sentiment gets perpetuated. You start to feel like you’re too poor for it or you’re uninterested because you don’t feel as messed up (for lack of a better phrase) as the person with the long list of diagnoses. It’s like the man at the well… you have to want to be healed. Wow! This is an eye opener.