Tuesday is .00001% better than Monday
Please don’t talk to me before I’ve had coffee …or after.
Good answer! https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/176/843/129/589/070/original/fa301bef02e795f3.jpeg
Test https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/176/840/873/577/838/original/66242093213d9d8a.jpeg
nostr:npub1nzmm8l9rvzpmpywvdwrvnlwkwthd6vgf43ena8ctttk7mg5ppxpqz385c8 1995? Hey, I had no kids in...
@222a5f31 same 😅
No thank you. Hard pass! https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/171/834/091/612/542/original/168013ba4e831e5d.jpeg
No thank you. Hard pass! https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/171/829/628/948/463/original/1058a9eacfc910aa.jpeg
You bet your bottom dollar, I said, pulling a dollar out of my bottom
@ed36ba03 Did you post this on BS? If so I’ll nominate for Skeet of the Day.
Darwin Award winner https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/167/093/914/627/259/original/b6c0900352eb0849.jpeg
Finished a work project in an hour that should’ve taken about 3 hours, so now I need to goof off for an hour before turning it in or expectations will get too high.
Me: Oops I did it again Them: Played with her heart? Got lost in the game? Me: Shit the bed
I don’t do anything half cocked. It’s full cocked or no cock at all.
Why are they called ‘chop sticks’? You don’t chop anything with them, just grab.
We talking about 4 hour boners over here, too?
At 225 pounds I can go big and go home.
Say what now?? https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/132/418/833/309/185/original/45fd8910548b6381.jpeg
Disgusting if literal: Pouring your heart out
Coffee is the second best way to start your day.
Going to change my name to ‘Grudge’ so more people will hold me.
Failure is always an option. In fact, it’s usually the path of least resistance.
I'm glad some people still want to do something with their lives. If everyone thought like me, we...
@ed36ba03 I’m with you
nostr:npub1nzmm8l9rvzpmpywvdwrvnlwkwthd6vgf43ena8ctttk7mg5ppxpqz385c8 nope Well I don’t Can...
@7991f584 try it bud
JFC Vikings. You’re supposed to take things, not give nostr:npub1zpcmmfmhlpjgrcdpw59ezvjwzfw3e4...
@e78500b4 @1071bda7 He’s my RB2 🤬🤬
Dies anyone else butter corn on the cob by first buttering a piece of bread, and then rolling the corn in the bread? Works like a charm.
I passed the bar. Then I turned around and went in for a drink 🥃.
Hello, It’s been a boring day so I’m saying hey. That’s all. #selfie
@f94ef26b nice pic
nostr:npub1nzmm8l9rvzpmpywvdwrvnlwkwthd6vgf43ena8ctttk7mg5ppxpqz385c8 Everyone beat me for my wi...
@77f45c2f 🙌
Me: “Seen any good shows lately?” Lauren Boebert: 🖕🏻
nostr:npub1nzmm8l9rvzpmpywvdwrvnlwkwthd6vgf43ena8ctttk7mg5ppxpqz385c8 Not due until Oct16 if you ...
@c06539df 🤣
nostr:npub1nzmm8l9rvzpmpywvdwrvnlwkwthd6vgf43ena8ctttk7mg5ppxpqz385c8 So, you've skipped the 202...
@613d139b Not last year, used a pro. Back to Turbo.
I’m working on my 2022 taxes, if you’re wondering whether or not I have my shit together.
nostr:npub1nzmm8l9rvzpmpywvdwrvnlwkwthd6vgf43ena8ctttk7mg5ppxpqz385c8 many years ago my kid fess...
@7991f584 well played 😆
“I’ll be more focused on work after lunch” - me, lying
I'm reserving my excitement until Apple releases the iFlask.
@77f45c2f 🙌👍
My car tires are deflated and ineffective. Same, tires…same
I wonder if a “composer” ever sets out to create porn music or if they just use music that failed in its original purpose.
nostr:npub1nzmm8l9rvzpmpywvdwrvnlwkwthd6vgf43ena8ctttk7mg5ppxpqz385c8 do you spill or do you main...
@7991f584 🤐
nostr:npub1nzmm8l9rvzpmpywvdwrvnlwkwthd6vgf43ena8ctttk7mg5ppxpqz385c8 you won’t be able to affo...
@7991f584 true that
The squirrels living in my walls have a major renovation project underway. Sounds like they’re putting in a duplex.
When I’m at the dentist I pretend that I’m a secret agent being waterboarded for information.
I’m waiting for the iPhone 85
I have abs …olutely no idea what’s going on.
Live…laugh…let’s go have drinks
I just typed “Moop” and somehow AC knew I meant “Nope”
nostr:npub1nzmm8l9rvzpmpywvdwrvnlwkwthd6vgf43ena8ctttk7mg5ppxpqz385c8 Wiiiilbur…
@b4d329ef https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/027/482/015/355/894/original/4f5985a6b3900b75.jpeg
Detroit Lions: Undefeated in 2023!
@b4d329ef impressive
I love watching two people flirt all night on my TL (DMs please)
I’m not wearing any underwear
It’s back, baby 🙌 https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/027/177/241/373/312/original/e28df80379fd10c9.jpeg
nostr:npub1nzmm8l9rvzpmpywvdwrvnlwkwthd6vgf43ena8ctttk7mg5ppxpqz385c8 that’ll take your eye out
@7991f584 at least
Walk softly, and carry a long, sharp metal stick. https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/026/964/762/518/347/original/de4eea7d1ae11c37.jpeg
Happy #NFLKickoff :nfl: :nfl_chiefs: :lions: to all those who celebrate and sorry to those who d...
@e78500b4 @1071bda7 🙌🎉
I’m a sapeeosexual I mean I’m a saypiosexual I’m smart
nostr:npub1nzmm8l9rvzpmpywvdwrvnlwkwthd6vgf43ena8ctttk7mg5ppxpqz385c8 nostr:npub1a6ga98c6cjt4ye3h...
@2c8eb23a @ee91d29f 👊🏼
I can do it* all night long 😏 (*sleep)
Shouldn’t someone have to fuck on before they can be told to fuck off?
A golf selfie is called a golfie https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/110/872/385/412/131/922/original/cfd7989669a3b491.jpeg
Had a Covid test and they asked if I had a recent loss of taste. I said no, I’ve always dressed this way.
@522688fd Darwinism at its finest
@f3268ec5 Better than ‘chop’
@d4fdc5b6 😄
Oddbean new post about login | logout
Notes by 9fbafa59 | export