Tuesday is .00001% better than Monday


Please don’t talk to me before I’ve had coffee

…or after.


Good answer!

https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/176/843/129/589/070/original/fa301bef02e795f3.jpeg


Test

https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/176/840/873/577/838/original/66242093213d9d8a.jpeg


nostr:npub1yg497vdqlduhxr6qwsju0hyenx0u6y6uf0nkeglsyetf752djzlsuw9ln7 same 😅


No thank you. Hard pass!

https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/171/834/091/612/542/original/168013ba4e831e5d.jpeg


No thank you. Hard pass!

https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/171/829/628/948/463/original/1058a9eacfc910aa.jpeg


nostr:npub1a5mt5qe2usnhj09n3ygad3rfxpkcaz3ck9853ugnw9nyfsj30txsu5c7gu Did you post this on BS? If so I’ll nominate for Skeet of the Day.


Darwin Award winner

https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/167/093/914/627/259/original/b6c0900352eb0849.jpeg


Finished a work project in an hour that should’ve taken about 3 hours, so now I need to goof off for an hour before turning it in or expectations will get too high.


Me: Oops I did it again

Them: Played with her heart? Got lost in the game?

Me: Shit the bed


I don’t do anything half cocked.

It’s full cocked or no cock at all.


nostr:npub17vnga3022kg42zuh7p8u942fd2qt3rfcfydvhcjr286ugr677jdqu0m4ws Better than ‘chop’


Why are they called ‘chop sticks’? You don’t chop anything with them, just grab.


We talking about 4 hour boners over here, too?


At 225 pounds I can go big and go home.


Say what now??

https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/132/418/833/309/185/original/45fd8910548b6381.jpeg


Disgusting if literal: Pouring your heart out


Coffee is the second best way to start your day.


Going to change my name to ‘Grudge’ so more people will hold me.


Failure is always an option.

In fact, it’s usually the path of least resistance.


nostr:npub1a5mt5qe2usnhj09n3ygad3rfxpkcaz3ck9853ugnw9nyfsj30txsu5c7gu I’m with you


nostr:npub10xgltprqhg36w7fv4uqwrkclsqqas39l79xe2r0wfdvalztawe4qlvh39u try it bud


nostr:npub1u7zspdz9rppz94zvgqqzhmv7yc45h5rhm0txsshe35j5ra9wwk7s9kn5e4 nostr:npub1zpcmmfmhlpjgrcdpw59ezvjwzfw3e4aayzt6er53vxvqfq36t46s47l3up He’s my RB2 🤬🤬


Dies anyone else butter corn on the cob by first buttering a piece of bread, and then rolling the corn in the bread? Works like a charm.


I passed the bar.

Then I turned around and went in for a drink 🥃.


nostr:npub1l980y67lh3g0tld0z5yn2fvjtp9u2yrc8mcqzax33xtjhwe5axpque3zgy nice pic


nostr:npub1wl69ct6g0w5yjmetjkr3rrwk00fhvcluhq9tcaut2cllheuw757s0m8zu5 🙌


Me: “Seen any good shows lately?”

Lauren Boebert: 🖕🏻


nostr:npub1cpjnnhl6pqw9fucjn28wv03x3qp4vtet3a7lppjc32zkxk0gr0dqv8m6dh 🤣


nostr:npub1vy738xe8lrqufxxhgyl3dlpmwuhsafje4azv0kyrdpj2ykz0jtustt83dt Not last year, used a pro. Back to Turbo.


I’m working on my 2022 taxes, if you’re wondering whether or not I have my shit together.


nostr:npub10xgltprqhg36w7fv4uqwrkclsqqas39l79xe2r0wfdvalztawe4qlvh39u well played 😆


“I’ll be more focused on work after lunch”

- me, lying


nostr:npub1wl69ct6g0w5yjmetjkr3rrwk00fhvcluhq9tcaut2cllheuw757s0m8zu5 🙌👍


My car tires are deflated and ineffective.

Same, tires…same


I wonder if a “composer” ever sets out to create porn music or if they just use music that failed in its original purpose.


nostr:npub10xgltprqhg36w7fv4uqwrkclsqqas39l79xe2r0wfdvalztawe4qlvh39u true that


nostr:npub10xgltprqhg36w7fv4uqwrkclsqqas39l79xe2r0wfdvalztawe4qlvh39u 🤐


The squirrels living in my walls have a major renovation project underway. Sounds like they’re putting in a duplex.


When I’m at the dentist I pretend that I’m a secret agent being waterboarded for information.


I’m waiting for the iPhone 85


I have abs

…olutely no idea what’s going on.


Live…laugh…let’s go have drinks


I just typed “Moop” and somehow AC knew I meant “Nope”


nostr:npub1knfjnmaxuz0gvvw76x6tkr2503nvl0hdx94yefsl7evmqxy8ahkqyrtu8j

https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/027/482/015/355/894/original/4f5985a6b3900b75.jpeg


nostr:npub1knfjnmaxuz0gvvw76x6tkr2503nvl0hdx94yefsl7evmqxy8ahkqyrtu8j impressive


I love watching two people flirt all night on my TL

(DMs please)


I’m not wearing any underwear


It’s back, baby 🙌

https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/027/177/241/373/312/original/e28df80379fd10c9.jpeg


nostr:npub10xgltprqhg36w7fv4uqwrkclsqqas39l79xe2r0wfdvalztawe4qlvh39u at least


Walk softly, and carry a long, sharp metal stick.

https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/026/964/762/518/347/original/de4eea7d1ae11c37.jpeg


nostr:npub1u7zspdz9rppz94zvgqqzhmv7yc45h5rhm0txsshe35j5ra9wwk7s9kn5e4 nostr:npub1zpcmmfmhlpjgrcdpw59ezvjwzfw3e4aayzt6er53vxvqfq36t46s47l3up 🙌🎉


I’m a sapeeosexual

I mean I’m a saypiosexual

I’m smart


nostr:npub19j8tywkpwkspzrjfmc3e4mjypscez3aja007carauw648e39cfpstp7n2u nostr:npub1a6ga98c6cjt4ye3hnh4ulu67cpgkhh6s6qyp4akc39gtased9qlqj0ghpe 👊🏼


I can do it* all night long 😏

(*sleep)


nostr:npub16n7utdj4grl0425ygknktzsqjxaaap08t86cfqem26n5anq7w5dsxydcd8 😄


Shouldn’t someone have to fuck on before they can be told to fuck off?


nostr:npub12gng3lgqevqe28mtpp3q8ru7sq4uzqhvr9jjruuaduevd4n2gz7sszw5uv Darwinism at its finest


A golf selfie is called a golfie

https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/110/872/385/412/131/922/original/cfd7989669a3b491.jpeg


Had a Covid test and they asked if I had a recent loss of taste.

I said no, I’ve always dressed this way.