people say “Oh You can’t solve ALL your problems with a shovel and a suspiciously cheap plot of land in the desert” but guess what. not only is that false, its also slander, and i will see you in court. and then also in the desert.
the best (???) thing about American politics is you get shit like the “Give Free School Lunches to Kids Act” and that sounds awesome but when it passes you find out it raised the cost of school lunches and somehow made it easier to buy an AR-15
I made an X account yesterday in an attempt to break out of my own echo chamber.
Get a feel for what the other side are talking about.
Posted the exact same content I post on Mastodon / Threads.
Today my X account was suspended because of “a user report.”
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lot of folks in tech want to identify with Galileo boldly challenging religion in the name of science but when it comes to trans rights they are literally on the side of the Catholic Church
My biggest learning from the election has nothing to do with what democrats got wrong.
It’s about me. I’ve been in too much of a bubble. I’ve been lazy & overconfident in my own analysis + thinking.
My values are strong. But I got a lot to learn about how i write and the messages i create.
in this house, we do NOT “give back” to the community. we take from the community, we hoard it in a mason jar labeled “secret beans,” and then we pray that none of our sins can see through the glass
i, too, have been stabbed in the back by 60 of my closest friends. but unlike Caesar, I did NOT cry about it. i took it like a man: drunk & face down in a Denny’s parking lot
they say I’m out of touch with reality. I say reality’s out of touch with me. I mean, look at it—completely unhinged and running on fumes while im doing great
why the fuck my neighbours have a 30 character Fort Knox Wi-Fi password. You think I’m hacking into the Pentagon? be. more. considerate. of. my. needs.
Seeing a few folks talk about how young men who voted for Trump will regret it if the porn bans go through. I think that’s a fundamental misunderstanding of the YM movement in its current, Joe Rogan and Jordan Peterson influenced form. Whether they watch it or not, a lot of YM see porn as an enemy.
i am proud to announce that i have finally mastered the art of “meditation”. every morning, i sit cross-legged, stare blankly at my phone screen, and silently plot against anyone who’s ever crossed me. it’s bringing me just absolute shitloads of inner peace
“gryffindors are brave, hufflepuffs are loyal, ravenclaws are wise, slytherins are ambitious”what about those of us who are just tired where’s the house for people who want to lie down and not be murdered by a floating snake ghost
apparently it’s “inappropriate” to show up to a wedding with a sword and declare myself “the true heir of gondor.” well, i didn’t make it about me, THEY did, the second they put me on the guest list
i’ve decided that this will be the year i completely give up on self improvement and instead focus on reaching my true potential: an unhinged chaos gremlin fueled by pure spite and microwave burritos
fucking dude pollsters bouncing from IVF to abortion rights like Jack Skellington yelling “What’s this??” at every uterus-related concept they just learned about five minutes ago
the fact that anyone expects me to comprehend my own actions, let alone “apologize” for them, shows a fundamental misunderstanding of what i bring to the table. my role is to act with reckless abandon, and your role is to suffer the fallout. balance in the universe, etc.
Joe Rogan endorsing Trump is the last straw. from this day hence, all my music will be streamed on YouTube, a company that’s NEVER monetized literally doing crimes or sold my darkest secrets to advertisers. thank you, Alphabet Corp., for your ethical commitment to absolutely nothing sinister
listen. i’ve tried every possible method to understand what meghan mccain does for a living. ive combed the archives. ive consulted the mystics. and all i got is “paid to sigh loudly while holding a starbucks cup.” tremendous work ethic
life hack: instead of doomscrolling yourself into a frothing pit of despair at 3 AM, try dedicating those precious minutes to the ancient, time-honored art of masturbation
thank god for the crypto visionaries who heroically declared “we’re leaving banking & finance in the dust” and are now huddled in a panic room, clutching a single american flag, whispering “we simply cannot innovate without first being kissed on the forehead by the new president"
Male pollsters just found out women are mad about abortion bans, and now they’re shocked they didn’t see it coming. Incredible detective work, boys—Nancy Drew could never
Look, I could be wrong about tomorrow.
I’ve been very bloody clear that I think based on my analysis, the polls, the vibes and the trend that it’s going to be a Harris victory.
But if I am wrong, I’m okay knowing that I had the guts to make a call instead of sitting on the fence like a coward.
buddy i’d love to follow your train of thought but it’s a 60-car pileup. congratulations on losing the plot, the map, and the ability to be normal online
running a rapist on a platform of “make women miserable again” and then looking around slack-jawed as women line up to vote against him is just peak political acumen.
these guys couldn’t win a chess game if they started with all the pieces.
oh wait.
they did.
hey here’s an idea let’s destroy reproductive rights, put a sex offender on the top of the ticket, and then throw a motherfucking tantrum when women don’t vote for us
My psychiatrist says I need to “let people in.” Little does she know, I haven’t locked my door in 17 years. Anyone could enter at any time, and they don’t, because deep down, they know… they KNOW… they can’t handle the kind of derangement happening in this haunted domicile
why is everyone acting like “waking up before noon” is some kind of “accomplishment”? my life’s purpose is to lay dormant for 18 hours then rise at dusk to become a menace to local infrastructure. sorry if that’s “inconvenient” for you
the Venn diagram of people who yell at writers for having paywalls and people who pay a steadily increasing monthly fee to Spotify + Netflix is a circle
your ‘true self’ is whoever you are at 3 AM when you’re reading the wikipedia page for the denver airport conspiracy while eating shredded cheese out of the bag. there is no escape
shout out to the distinguished scholars commenting"AND YET YOU POSTED ON THREADS" on my essay about digital autonomy. yes i did. im also stealing your wife and downloading your car fucker
if you alter your choice of words and the way you speak / write because you’re concerned about sounding like chatGPT, or if you police others’ words in the same way, you’re letting a large language model reshape language itself. And I’m not entirely convinced any of us have thought that through.
goodnight to everyone except JD Vance who’s currently trying to prove he’s working class by eating at Applebee’s with a silver spoon he refuses to let go of
woke up from a nightmare where i was forced to give a TED talk titled “The Power of Being Yourself” to 3,000 guys in expensive jeans who all write “thought leader” in their bio. the standing ovation lasted six weeks
If you’re a white journalist with a hot take on why a fraction of Black voters support Trump, I’m gonna need to see your deep-dive analysis on why millions of white women vote for him first. Or just, fuck off.
day 456 of explaining to my family that being down 99.99% is actually good because “you can’t lose more than 100%.” they’re starting to suspect i don’t know how math works
just found out some lib wants companies to “pay living wages” and “not destroy the planet”… buddy this isnt your grandmas quilting circle.. this is CAPITALISM baby gets crushed by falling stock prices
“My parents spanked me and I turned out just fine” I mean no you didn’t you turned into a grown ass adult who wants to beat their kids how is that fine
If my indie publishing career doesn’t take off there are literally only three options:
Get a job (bold of me to think I’m employable)
Start a think tank (only for the caffeine and clout)
Become the conservative right’s token trans woman ($$$??)
Publishing, please pull through.
everyone keeps saying “wow.. your so brave for speaking truth to power” but trust me the second peter thiel waves a $2000 amex gift card at me im deleting every post faster than a roomba hitting dog shit
my sleep paralysis demon trying to scare me but im just critiquing his form. pathetic. you call that a haunting? my grandma does scarier shit making lasagna
absolutely will not go to your open mic night. would rather get in a fist fight with every single bird at the zoo. the penguins have been talking shit anyway
not many ppl know this but they actually made Lex Fridman in a lab by blending a stock photo of ‘guy thinking hard’ with the concept of a TED Talk nobody asked for
just had 3 ‘left-wing’ yoga moms tell me they’re voting for the ghost of Richard Nixon, while my buddy who listens to AM radio swears he’s writing in Scooby-Doo. absolutely no idea what it means for the country, but as a certified galaxy-brain thinker, i MUST announce it publicly
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my roommate michael moore has started wearing his baseball cap in the shower. says he learned in detroit that “you never know when history will happen”
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