“important update! To better serve our users and continue providing the best experience we can we’re taking away your favourite features and raising our prices and adding limits to how you can use our product look how much better served you are”
ben shapiro frantically measuring his own height at 2am in the walmart parking lot, screaming ‘the tape measure is a tool of cultural marxism.’ someone come get their boy
your atomic habits: drinking water when you wake up
my tactical nuclear habits: flooding my entire house with deuterium oxide. becoming clinically hydrated. local water table permanently altered
if I’ve learned one thing from trying to engage in good faith with right wing fopdoodles it’s that there is no fucking point trying to engage in good faith with right wing fopdoodles
anyone who says they wouldnt have voted to execute socrates is a coward. this man would follow you around the marketplace asking if you can define what a sandal is
If you’re the CEO of a company that has laid off more than 5% of its workforce in the last 12 months, there should be a freeze on your compensation for the next 12 months.
The problem with the “bring your whole self to work” concept is that some folks’ whole self is anti-vaxx, bible thumping, COVID denying fuckery. I don’t know about you but I’d rather not see Crosses and anti-vaxx stickers on my coworkers desks or popping up in Slack channels.
wild how “some people” fight against gay and trans rights but get offended if you call them transphobic or homophobic. You don’t get to deny our rights and then demand a nice label. If you’re uncomfortable being called out, maybe question the views making you fit that label.
Ya pricks.
I’m curious. If you’re running your own business / publication, etc, do you have a to-do app for your personal life and a separate app for your work? How do you draw a line between which tasks go where? What do you use?
my roommate michael moore has been trying to get an interview with ronald mcdonald for 30 years. keeps sneaking into head office disguising himself as the hamburgler. they know it’s you michael
Your regular reminder that I curate a daily feed with a hand picked selection of Gift / Friend links to premium publication articles on The Index link blog:
theindex.media/categorie…
https://theindex.media/categories/links/
I think Harris is going to win.
But if Harris loses, the establishment democrats are gonna throw trans people under a bus driven by Donald Trump with a bumper sticker that says “I don’t brake for pronouns”
I can’t believe I’m having an actual conversation with someone who thinks it’s dismissive to call people who have a fear of trans people “transphobic” wait no i can believe that
by 2025 joan will be a payments platform by 2026 joan will be a self driving car by 2027 joan will be bankrupt & my posts about joan will be evidence in federal court
why the fuck would you spend 4 years getting ‘educated’ at some commie Marxist hippie lentil university when you could be spending that time becoming a self made millionaire by inheriting money
Okay I feel like we gave “reaching across the aisle” the old college try, regardless of who wins, next year we are socially isolating and shunning every Trump voter and every racist fucking family member so they die alone and lonely. Like, we’re just never speaking to them again.
my roommate michael moore keeps trying to get me to join his “anti-establishment book club” but it’s just him reading the back covers of chomsky books out loud
LUNTZ: where’s the Harris campaign’s 600 page affordability white paper? WHERE
AIDE: trump just posting ‘economy = fixed by the jews’ on truth social
LUNTZ: leaping for his noise canceling headphones i can’t hear youuuuuu
my roommate michael moore has been following me to starbucks every morning, demanding to know “who really profits” from my $5 latte habit. please just let me have my coffee
Just a reminder that Woody Guthrie’s guitar said ‘this machine kills fascists’ not ‘this machine thinks fascists make some interesting points worth considering”
this years Pulitzer goes to the Bezos’ op ed that he definitely wrote himself about why not picking a side is brave actually. founding fathers shed a single tear. george washington is clapping. this is what leadership looks like folks
my roommate michael moore keeps trying to get my tinder dates to sign release forms before entering our apartment. I haven’t had a second date in 8 months
have spent 10,000 hours reading every “Understanding The Trump Voter” think piece. have watched 500 documentaries. have consulted the ancient texts. turns out they’re just nazis. im so fucking mad
just watched ben shapiro try to DESTROY a happy meal with FACTS and LOGIC but he couldn’t open the box. now crying in mcdonalds. this is conservative intellectualism. No pussy has ever been dryer.
my roommate michael moore just burst into my room with a camera crew to demand why i “continue to support big tech” by charging my phone. this is the fourth time today
i have evolved past shitposting. now spending 16 hours a day crafting nuanced takes about fiscal policy. my brain is deteriorating. keep seeing ben bernanke in my dreams
The mainstream Romney conservatives get outraged when progressives use GOP tactics back on them because deep down, they know what they’re supporting isn’t right. When people they secretly see as the ‘good guys’ use their playbook, it forces them to confront their own shit - and it’s uncomfortable.
“im not owned!! im going back to my roots!!”, i continue to scream as the Washington post becomes a amazon product review aggregator with occasional news
the thing about REAL entrepreneurs is we dont need “customers” or “revenue.” we have LINKEDIN ENGAGEMENT and PODCAST DOWNLOADS. the universe will provide, as long as you keep sharing gary vee clips
Stupid simple productivity hack:
If you’re struggling to wake up early, change your alarm sound / tone every night. Don’t give your brain a chance to get used to it and block it out.
Every single reality show judge:
what you just did was so fucking unprofessional…
DRAMATIC PAUSE AUDIENCE GASPS
…because professionals would charge BILLIONS for talent like this. you have forced me to press my special button. the one that makes you win $50,000 (wipes tear) (violins play)
“deplorables” didn’t go far enough.
We’re talking about barely functioning, expired milk carton-level, sub-human rape apologists with a shit fashion sense, hellbent on speedrunning the collapse of civilization.
Every Trump supporter is semi-sentient mold growing on the unwashed ass of democracy.
“‘what if we found the worlds most insufferable centrist and gave them 800 words twice a week’ - the NYT fuckass opinion desk, smoking dick shaped cigars made of pulitzers
thou shalt not worship false idols (RETWEET IF U AGREE) just bought a 20 foot gold trump statue for the church lawn. its different actually. completely different situation
desperately trying to explain to the youth group that “THOU SHALT HAVE NO GODS BEFORE ME” has an asterisk for “unless they hosted the apprentice”. its in the original Hebrew
jeff bezos personally called me, begging me to stop you all from unsubscribing. i told him “shut up nerd” & crushed 600 of his little prime boy packages with my immense ass
congrats to jeff bezos for inventing a bold new form of media ownership where you buy a newspaper and then put a big piece of tape over its mouth. very innovative. same day shitting.
Making my next million selling Comfort Zone Disruptors™️ to hustle bros. it’s a Bluetooth butt plug. Real sigmillionaires know: true disruption starts from within
love to spend 18 hours a day defending a billionaire’s honor online for free. this is the sacred duty that the founding fathers died on omaha beach to protect
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