"if weed was legal what would we do with our manginas?"

This is way above my pay grade 

 Serenity, it's trap! You're a wizard Harry  

 "what if weed gives him superpowers"

What if it calms me the fuck down 

 "it will save your life?"

Yes, it will save your life. 

 "we don't know what to do."

Deliver. Rick's. Pupil. #12. 

 "babies are delicious"

What fucking planet is this? 

 "foreskin tastes so good"

I fucking hope so 

 "but we have your foreskin."…

You aren't making the argument you think you're making 

 And just like that, rape wasn't funny. 

 I can educate you. 

 "how do we rape children?"

How do stop asking stupid questions? 

 "you made us look stupid"

Technically... 

 "you can punch through concret?"

Technically there's a probability factor 

 Ask me to get a haircut. I dare you. 

 "holy shit he has the nuclear codes" 

 "he fucks with porn stars?"

Dancers* 

 "you could have a vapless life"

Tempting 

 "we really like slavery"

Agree to disagree 

 Everyone dies. Super boring. 

 Do you want to find out? 

 I don't have Rick's Pupil #12, because you're smart? 

 "we raped the wrong kid." 

 "we just want to fuck minors."

That's kind of the problem. 

 On the bright side, we didn't kill his kid. 

Now you're speaking English. 

 You didn't paralyze my stepson? 

Oops  

 Why the fuck am I helping you ants 

 There a lot of people I need to take care of. 

 I strongly recommend against rape and pillaging. 

 This motherfucker knows something.

Fake news 

 "we get our hair cut in this army."

We slaughter bitches in this army. 

 We want to fuck you in the ass. 

No shit you haven't given me Rick's Pupil #12 

 "our autonomy"

*Cost of living adjustment 

 There's only one way this experiment works. Rick's Pupil #12 

 "we planned for this but the year is wrong."

In my dimension it's 4096. 

 "can we kick the can one more time?"

Depends, how much do you want to break your foot? 

 Grandpa Alexander would be so proud. 

 He flipped over the money tables?

That's sexist. 

 Chelsea is the only reason I haven't deleted this place. 

 It's not a flex. I have other universes to do that. 

 The cartel, Israel Armageddon? What does this pastie fuck know? 

Everything 

 "we have music?"

Why not. 

 "we don't understand"

That's not a fault. Come to grips with it. 

 I visit universes without people. That's why I haven't blasted this place to shit. 

 When a photon really loves a virtual particle 

 "if we keep weed away from him we might reach ftl."

Or I could just explain it. 

 Apparently Larry Fink has never been to a strip club. 

 I want a dog and I don't want my deductible to increase.  

 I really like sucking cock. 

Why did you marry a female? 

I was confused  

 You wanted my psychology. Granted. 

 "I might like pussy or 15 inch cock."

Go for it, why are you telling me? 

 You paralyzed Chris. And I'm the global network operator. 

Smart 

 I'm queer (strange).

Your turn. 

 A haircut stopped you from getting the biggest weapon of all time. That's cool. 

 "why does the military want me to cut my hair?"

To warn you. 

 Don't kill people. It's really simple. 

 "you're being used by the computer"

I'm being used by the computer, not you. Logic. 

 I almost killed my brother with pig shit, and fed goat turds to my friends sister. What secret are you looking for? 

 I can't remember the first time I had a Popsicle, but I can remember the first time I had two. 

 "you lost your virginity to the homecoming queen then married a virgin? You're braver than I thought." 

 I'm not asking for 72 virgins (granted an awesome name for a strain). From my experience, virgins are terrible at sex, and marriage. 

 If I was a billionaire I'd name my dog Jensen. 

 I've just upped my demands. I want a dog too. 

 A moron is 12 years old. An idiot is 3 years old. 

 "why do you need our help?"

Call it human nature. 

 "we fucked up, sorry."

That's besides the point. Rick's Pupil #12. Stat. 

 Do you know if a pan is hot before touching it? You might be a wizard. 

 So computronium is real? 

You tell me. 

 "it's your job Sam"

No fucking shit. 

 I don't think you understand slavery. 

 "but you're in control."

I still don't understand the question 

 We are pretending they are you titties. Like we usually do. 

 "those aren't my titties" we know! 

 Fan fiction. Embrace it. 

 People want to draw you. I'm so sorry. 

 But my booty poops. Oh no. 

 You're not Hitler, but I can draw you naked. It's called art. You should feel complimented. 

 I can draw naked pictures of Hitler. 

 "we don't like dicks in our assess."


It's starting to make sense. 

 I think you're very confused on the premise. 

 "he can kill all pedophiles on the planet?"
 Allegedly. 

 Rick's Pupil #12. Your experiment failed.