Oddbean

Hey server-kin I want to talk about fayedray. He showed up last week on the actuallyautistic hashtag, full of piss and vinegar. Now he's restricted from this server. I understand how many might feel this is a good thing. I don't. I feel very strongly it's bad autistic praxis. About five years ago, I was bullied and shunned by a group of people who were clear that I deserved it, because of my lack of decorum (read a book on NVC, they said) This group of people were supposed to be safe for me. It broke me in half. It broke my mask, the one I didn't even realize existed. As far as I understand, fayedray's mask was broken when he showed up. There is not a calorie available for suffering bullshit or holding back or centering the feels of other people over his sense of safety. I am a different person with different life experiences, but I am familiar with that cresting point. I still had unburnt bridges to protect, so I withdrew and froze, but I have to stand in defense of those who burn like the sun instead. It's not my place to broadcast the trauma of others, but if anyone deserves some fuckin grace, it's this guy. Autistic trauma, autistically expressed. Every person gets to set their own boundaries on what is safe for themselves, and I get it, fayedray is not a follow for everyone. People who require serene affirmation-type content for their own sense of security may best to mute. On their own. What upset me so badly last week was not fayedray being caustic or even speaking from viewpoints I disagree with. What had me sick for a couple days was the readiness of people to thin-slice judge, to feel attacked, and to attack right back. The rush to shun but then to tell everyone else to shun. Tone-policed to oblivion. That is the most abhorrent response possible to autistic behaviour. There but for the grace of my comparatively manageable trauma go I. I've looked through a lot of his content and, y'all, he may punch laterally sometimes, but he punches up up up and never down. Yes, he's punchy, but extreme care for the vulnerable is so apparent. In short, I'd really love the server-level restriction to be lifted and for people to make individual calls on his visibility to them. I want to be in a server that supports the autistic experience, including howls and passions and foibles. One person occasionally covered in barbs is much less terrifying to me than collective exclusion.