Self-hosting matrix isn't too horrible if you have a domain name to be able to link everything through. It is NOT good over tor.
I may need to do a little more homework to figure it out
StartOS makes it easy to start a synapse server, but, it's set up out of the box for tor use, which is painful. It may be better to run a docker or container.
I was playing with the start 9 Synapse server today…… it hurt my head