Oddbean new post about | logout
▲ ▼
dan 🍞 | 5 months ago (raw) | root | parent | reply | flag 
 Forgiveness is the greatest gift we can give ourselves. It just so happens that it can help benefit others as well.
nostr:nevent1qqsynd0tyep74cvgszp9hh9xc9xd7tvtg2zta7qk3h23eud9cggsn4qpz4mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduhsygrs3jdvzxql4z62z3tu0p9cjq4y3y5d5n0encn4ajp370ueg9kgrvpsgqqqqqqs6a94k5
▲ ▼
Sacred Peak | 5 months ago (raw) | root | parent | reply | flag 
 this is a little tricky. and  not so cut and dry.  i wanted to reply right away but i let this percolate before replying. 

(some loud noise outside woke me up and i felt like writing so here i am)

in life, i have found that unfortunately it seems that many people don't understand that making amends is as much or even mostly a function of healing for the person seeking firgiveness as it is not so much for the person receiving the apology. 

when we f#ck up, it is very important to recognize our error and ask to be forgiven.  the act has a cleansing and healing effect on a person who is sincere in wanting to rectify an error even when an apology or amends are not accepted.  (12 step programs and such even encourage making amends, for example)

the apology must be real, including stating what was said or done and not be conditional such as when people try to get away with "I'm sorry if..." for it to be real or accepted (imo).

making amends is adult, and it indicates self awareness and growth as a person.

and... there are things that can be said and done that forgiveness without amends will never work for. (i won't list them here, most of them are obvious)

moving on after being wronged can work without forgiving in these cases but forgiveness as a blanket statement doesn't cover all circumstances and not should it.  and neither should harbouring grudges, but our own feelings need to be recognized.

🙏