i am not saying this in actuality

made promises

reincarnation not about me

etc
etc

i mean in a strictly petty way
like so selfishly just-for-me
like a one off life like icecream
it would sooooooo be pre-Nietzsche 

 i wonder if i'd have a vague foreboding sense that the future was gonna suck

or maybe id experience it as gleeful
like found dead in my bed w/ a smile like some part of me knew it was so clutch to die before 1844